22 May 2012

Media release: for immediate release

Emily Longley Case a Reminder to Stay Safe in Relationships

The case in the United Kingdom of New Zealander Emily Longley’s murder at the hands of her partner is a reminder that we all need to be aware of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, says Relationships Aotearoa.

“We all need to think about what signs to look for in our friends and loved ones’ relationships so that we can keep them safe.

A jury at Winchester Crown Court convicted Elliot Turner, 20, of the murder of 17-year-old Emily at his parents’ home in Bournemouth. The prosecutor for the case, Timothy Mousley QC described Turner as “controlling and possessive.”

That behaviour was typical of the type of relationship that can place people at risk, says Relationships Aotearoa National Practice Manager,JoAnn Vivian.

“It’s not okay, for example, for a person to demand to read their partner’s texts and check their Facebook, to be possessive and jealous and control who their partner socialises with,” she says.

Other warning signs can include:

Threatening to hurt their partner

Hitting their partner or using physical violence more and more

Insisting they go everywhere together

Abusing animals, especially family pets

Using lots of drugs and alcohol

A history of violence against others

Being unpredictable and frightening their partner

“If you think a friend or loved one is in an unsafe relationship it’s okay to step in and talk to them about it – it’s better to be sure they are safe than being sorry for them later.

“The challenge is to act without judging anyone, or try to decide what should happen. Making an observation is less intrusive than asking a question. You could start the conversation by observing that your friend or loved one seems afraid of their partner,” says JoAnn Vivian.

You could also say it’s okay to ask for help and suggest they call the It’s Not Okay helpline – 0800 456 450 for advice or visit their website – www.areyouok.org.nz .

ENDS

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