Local Govt | National News Video | Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Search


Liam Walsh: Doing The Least For Northcote

Not A Party candidate Liam Walsh: Doing The Least For Northcote

Not A Party
15 May 2018
Yeah gidday Northcote, I'm Liam Walsh and I've got an important message for you about an upcoming opportunity to do things better. In fact it's really just an opportunity to do things, they don't even have to be better as long as you do them for yourself.

Earlier this year, Jonathan Coleman decided his cot was far too full of toys and it was time to throw them out. The opposition benches weren't as comfortable as he'd expected they might be and he just wasn't having it anymore. While I understand that some of you might be upset that he stood for election and didn't even finish his term, this is actually a great kindness for the people of Northcote.

Some of you will be over the moon for an opportunity to no longer have a member of the National party representing you, some of you will be eagerly anticipating the chance to make sure a member of the Labour party doesn't represent you for the remainder of this term. Some of you might be looking forward to voting against any of the candidates who have put their names forward, I'm sure the vast majority of you will feel that way about me and that's GOOD.

In fact it's so good that you want to vote against the majority of these candidates that I'm really only here to help you take the next logical step: go one better, vote against all of us by not voting, your non-vote counts! If this seems crazy to you let me explain further.

Northcote, you've had Coleman since 2005, that's a long time in anyone's book, and honestly what's he done? He's been busy playing kings and emperors, involved in positioning and power struggles, followed John Key around like a puppy dog, said some mean things about some other time wasters and probably any number of other pointless and ineffective activities.

Let's be honest: a vast majority of, if not all of, the things that have happened to you, for you and around you since 2005 have had nothing at all to do with Coleman. You've made your own decisions and done your best or your worst—or something in between—based on your own judgement, and you've paid Coleman and 120-odd other politicians a fat sack of cash for the right to do so.

What I'm promising you, Northcote, is that nothing needs to change. If elected, I commit to being an even less effective MP than Jonathan: I'll do even less than he did, participate even less in democracy and have even less of an impact on your lives because, unlike any of the other candidates, I've got faith in you. You've got this. You can get together in your communities and make your own calls.

I'll also cost you nothing at all because, to be honest, I've got a lot of lawns to mow down Wellington and I just don't have time to muck around in Parliament. The only time you'll ever hear "Liam Walsh", "swearing" and "the Queen" in the same sentence will absolutely not be a revelation that I've publicly lied by taking the Parliamentary Oath so don't worry about that.

If you're still confused by now, you're probably thinking "there's no way I'm voting for this guy" and, if you stop and think about it for a few minutes, that actually means you've understood perfectly and you've done it all by yourself! No having to pay me taxes, no being arrested by my employees for not doing what I've said and no need to ask me permission to do things that I wouldn't have known or cared you were doing anyway.

TL;DR: Please don't vote for me but also PLEASE don't vote, for me.

Liam Walsh

© Scoop Media

Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Budget 2018: "Better Lives For Children"

Budget 2018 builds a better future for New Zealand children, with major investments in health, education, housing and justice to improve thousands of children’s lives, says Prime Minister and Minister for Child Poverty Reduction Jacinda Ardern. More>>

Gordon Campbell: On Budget 2018

To put it mildly, Budget 2018 has not been an outbreak of wild-eyed, tax and spend liberalism. “Unfortunately not,” says CTU economist Bill Rosenberg agrees laconically. “But what you're seeing and within the constraints [the government] have set themselves, they’ve done quite a good job of beginning to eat away at the deficits that have built up over the years. Not only the social deficits, but also in areas like economic development, the provinces, bio-security and so on.” More>>

Budget 2018 - Scoop Full Coverage


Corrections Officers: 600 New Prison Beds Not Enough

Finance Minister Grant Robertson announced 600 new prison beds to be built in modular units by the end of next year, but would not say whether the extension of Waikeria Prison would go ahead. More>>


Peters Returns: Visit Reinforces New Zealand-Japan Relationship

Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters has departed Tokyo following a productive three-day visit to Japan. More>>


Gordon Campbell: On Regressive Taxes

The headlines would have you believe that inflation is safely under control, but a Statistics NZ press release indicates that isn’t the reality being experienced by the poor, given how the steeply rising costs of smoking, petrol, rent etc are falling disproportionately on low to middle income earners. More>>


Overlapping Treaty Claims: ‘You Are Taking Us To War’

Treaty Negotiations Minister Andrew Little was speaking about the treaty process and the importance of communication when he was challenged by a kaumatua from Tauranga Moana. More>>


Workplace Harrassment: Rights Body's Policy Inadequate

"Judge Coral Shaw’s report confirms what our members at the HRC have told us: that the workplace culture at the HRC needs to be addressed," PSA National Secretary Glenn Barclay says. More>>


Charter Schools: Transition Begins

As the next step in the transition of charter schools into the state school system, the formal process to end charter school contracts is starting today, Education Minister Chris Hipkins says. More>>


Labour & Labour: 'Not All Businesses Will Survive' Employment Changes

Q+A Transcript: Workplace Relations Minister Iain Lees-Galloway says New Zealand needs a high-skill, high-wage economy and accepts that some businesses will not survive some of its policy changes. More>>





Featured InfoPages