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Parliament Won't Be Covered in Paper Maché

Parliament Won't Be Covered in Paper Maché

OR “What's Left After Razing the Flag of Apathy?”

The special votes have been counted and Brash has conceded to Clark. [1]

Clark commended her comrade for the hard fight, thanked him for his concessions and congratulated him on what he had “achieved for his party”.

Whilst many people fretted over who would win, one thing was always certain: politicians would retain their seat in the hall of Readers Digest fame as the least trusted profession. [2]

Despite various attempts by numerous politicos, the only scandal of the election was the announcement that a 4 year old jack russel who had enrolled with his paw print, was facing potential legal action for exerting his democratic right to vote. [3]

A bigger surprise was the failure of the New McGillicuddy Serious Party to register, leaving no real options for one's party vote.

Unfortunately, it is now highly unlikely that their policy of replacing MP's with harmless jargon generators and a 12ft thick paper maché dome to cover the beehive, will pass its first reading. [4]

We are assured, however, that despite McGillicuddy officially claim that their Secret Alliance with Labour is over, optmists claim that their policies realised in the form of “Hip Hop Tours to Disneyland, Porn on Police computers to alleviate boredom whilst waiting for taxis and the appointment of Judges according to shoe size” are most likely to continue. [5]

Another disappointment was the lack of strategic electoral vote options this year.

Many had put their hopes in Ficus the potted ficus tree repeating his 2000 US congressional electoral success here in Aotearoa New Zealand. [6]

But what is done, is done and “all serious political analysis is [sic] now lies in the future”.

The Greens seem to have taken their cue from the International Green Party Tendency [7] when they tried to bed big business. [8] (The German Greens went from molotov throwing student radicals to running parliament and to calling the German army in to violently remove anti-nuclear protesters from blockaiding the transport of nuclear waste.) [9]

When the Greens finally bared all in Newmarket, the only thing they had to hide was that they hang neither left nor right. [10]

But if you have any concerns over the Greens, you need not of Labour:

If you doubt our glorious leader's fair judgement, you only need recall her valiant dismissal of industrial action for a 5% wage increase as “hysterical.”

If you doubt her willingness for self-sacrifice, you may remember that she once heroically proclaimed that paid parental leave would be legislated “over my dead body”.

If you doubt her impartiality, she is backed by the prefered buisiness partner of both Labour and Big Business: the Engineers, Printing and Manufacturing Union (EPMU). (What other need could EPMU members have of a $100,000 donation to the Labour Party last election?)

Now that our involvement in politics (and our secret votes for the greens) is over for another three years, we'll sit back and join those who can't vote in appreciating our new overlords. [11]

We'll sleep well tonite, remembering that the Labour Party is different from the opposition. (The members of the rich list have increased their wealth more over the last 6 years of Labour led government than under the previous National government.)

We'll dream that one day, with a little bit of help from aunty Helen, upward social mobility will be a reality and anyone could becomes rich. (For those who can't, there's Lotto for the stupid people and a second and third job for the lazy.)

We'll keep the lights on in case we have dreams of bomb weilding anarchists telling us to run our OWN lives and we'll pull our blankets closer knowing that chaos is that much further away.

Tommorow, if we are feeling ungrateful, we'll get active and learn from the Council of Trade Unions (CTU) and their militant mall leafletting campaigns.

On the next day, when our throats are hoarse from singing Solidarity Forever, we'll go back to being parasites, jedi masters, philosphers, lion tamers, aquanauts, mystics and all the other jobs that we listed on the electoral role. [12]

And on every other day as we work hard, consume and play, we'll be humming unconciously to ourselves that politics is over for the next 3 years, that we voted and can't complain. [13]

What else would you expect us to do when politicians run our lives? [14]


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