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Alf's Imperial Army To Battle Can-Teen


Alf's Imperial Army To Battle Can-Teen

Alf's Imperial Army's 16th Wellington Wegiment has declared war on Can-Teen, the organisation dedicated to assisting young people with cancer.

The Declaration of War (DOW) reads as follows:

Alf's Imperial Army


It has come to the attention of Alf's Imperial Army military intelligence that the organization known as CanTeen professes the values of:

quote having an attitude of life is for living; living for the moment; being spontaneous; not taking ourselves too seriously; being fun-loving, unquote.

Alf's Imperial Army holds that these values can only lead to disaster particularly for youth, the very age targeted by CanTeen. These youth must realise that their sole purpose in life is to become cogs in the industrial machine and that trendy 21st century fads such as "spontaneity" and "lack of seriousness" and "being fun-loving" are merely a cover for aimlessness and lack of purpose. It is only after being properly bought up with strict moral instruction and sound Victorian virtue that the youth of today will survive the ever-growing chaos of modern society.

Furthermore, Alf's Imperial Army are shocked and dismayed to discover that CanTeen is run by and for its members, the majority of whom are not in fact legally adults. The very idea of any organization run by minors who simply don't have any adults --who know what is best for them-- to give them strict guidance, is extremely unVictorian and unBritish and dare we say, even subversive. Every adult who had ever waited for the freedom of turning 21 and being able to run their own lives must firmly resist CanTeen giving this kind of freedom to minors.

Therefore, we have no choice but to declare that a state of war now exists between between CanTeen and Alf's Imperial Army.

We will see you all, adults and minors alike, on the battlefield of honour at Central Park Wellington Sunday 27th January in the year of our Lord 2008.

God Save the Queen! Wizard save the Empire!

* What: Alfs Imperial Army VS CanTeen

* When: 2pm, 27 January 2007

* Where: Central Park, Brooklyn Rd, Wellington

For further details contact

Penny Jones

Member Support Manager

CanTeen Central Division


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