Art & Entertainment | Book Reviews | Education | Entertainment Video | Health | Lifestyle | Sport | Sport Video | Search

 

Alf's Imperial Army Discovers Pirates

Alf's Imperial Army Discovers Pirates In Island Bay



Intelligence report reads as follows:


16th Wellington Wegiment

Alf's Imperial Army Central Command

Intelligence Report Re: Island Bay


The Wegiment's Intelligence section has determined the existence of a large nest of Pirates in the Wellington suburb of Island Bay, believed to operating under the cover of the innocuous-sounding "Island Bay Community Centre", and lead by a so-called "Youth Worker".

Furthermore, since where there are Pirates, there must be buried treasure, we have deduced that these "Island Bay Pirates" must be hiding their treasure on Tapu Te Ranga Island in the bay itself.

Since Her Majesty at present has no Alf's Imperial Navy stationed in Wellington, and being soldiers we can't swim, we will therefore dig a tunnel from Shorland Park on the beachside, under the bay to the Island itself, in order to secure these pirates' ill-gotten gains for Her Majesty and ensure that they be spent on such worthy causes as retirement lodges for former Imperial soldiers and riding crops, spurs and gold braid for Her Majesty's officers.

The date chosen to begin this operation is Saturday May 16th (at 3PM) after participation in the Island Bay Festival parade in full accrutements in order to cower the natives. The entire operation will be carried out in front of a large audience of Island Bay locals (some of whom are believed to Pirate sympathizers) in order to demonstrate the full "shock and awe" tactics necessary to enforce the peace.

It is known however that the Pirates will attempt to defend their ill-gotten gains, and a battle will occur. However, the Pirates (being a lowdown, scurvy-ridden, ill-dressed and ill-disciplined lot) are expected to be handily given a jolly sound thrashing and the suburb rendered safe for shipping and commerce.


* What: Alfs Imperial Army VS Island Bay Pirates

* When: 3pm, 16 February 2008

* Where: Shorland Park, Island Bay, Wellington

ENDS

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
 
 
Culture Headlines | Health Headlines | Education Headlines

 
Review: A Rose By Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet

The Royal New Zealand Ballet has accepted the challenge of this heart-touching tragedy and largely succeeded. More>>

ALSO:

NZ's First Male IAAF Gold: Tom Walsh's Historic Shot Put Victory

Although feeling very sore but with a great feeling Tom Walsh took his place as number one on the victory dais to receive his much deserved gold medal. More>>

ALSO:

Scoop Review Of Books: Q&A: Hard To Find Books

"Unfortunately we are in crisis and this friendly dinosaur faces extinction… Our only hope is to try and raise funds to buy the building and restore it to its glory, either fully funded or with a viable deposit." More>>

Kid Lit: Lost Mansfield Story Discovered At Wellington Library

Previously undiscovered letters and a story written by a young Katherine Mansfield were recently unearthed in Wellington City Library’s archives by a local author researching a book about the famous writer. More>>

 
 
 
 
 
 

LATEST HEADLINES

  • CULTURE
  • HEALTH
  • EDUCATION
 
 
  • Wellington
  • Christchurch
  • Auckland