Scoop Satire: Mid East Drama Played To Perfection
Peace Summit Opens
Ehud Barak has a victorious smirk
Yasir Arafat looks like a kid whose toy's been snatched by someone.
Hosni Mubarak speaks: Israel should stop the aggression (A few more remarks to that effect, no reference to Palestinians)
Yasir Arafat starts feeling comfortable. Thinks "Alright. This looks good. Time to score a point." Speaks: We want an international commission investigating who is responsible for the violence.
Barak waves away the suggestion and says: No no. International commission would be a kangaroo court. USA should investigate.
Arafat thinks: Whoa. I did score. Now everyone knows who is responsible. I AM GOOD.
Bill Clinton looking very gloomy and at the verge of anger: Gentlemen. We should move beyond the blame. WE CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL HERE. The violence must stop. Think about how can we resolve the issues peacefully. Sleep on it and we'll talk again in the morning.
The next morning.
Clinton: Alright people. What have you decided? You first Ehud.
Ehud Barak: Mr. President. We are the victims of violence here. We might be using excessive force but you must not forget that, to us, the threat has many dimensions.
Clinton: What dimensions?
Barak: Well...ahh.... see, Sadam Hussain has threatened to use West Bank areas to launch an attacks at us.
Barak's delegates try to suppress the giggle.
Clinton (suppressing the smile himself): Well, let us take care of that. Right now, you two should make peace between you and that's the order of the day.
Barak: But Mr. President, they started this violence. And I suspect that these people are not peace loving. Look, they lynched our soldiers.
Yasir: But our people are killed in larger numbers. You have killed more than a hundred people and we have just managed three.
Clinton: Hey, hey, let's not get into the number people. Lives have been lost from both sides. Let's leave it at that. Now, let me tell you Mr. Barak and Mr. Arafat. You two are standing at an important juncture of history. If you two can wrap your differences away and settle for peace, this will be a historic milestone and generations to come will be thankful to you two. Especially you Mr. Arafat, since your side, apparently, suffered more. Let me remind you that being an important international leader, you are not just representing Palestinian people, you sir, hold the key to the stability of the region. I beg you sir to think about it.
Arafat (Thinking): Oh boy. This is big. ME AN INTERNATIONAL LEADER? HOLDER OF THE KEY TO STABILITY? I knew it all along but I wish those hotheads of Hizbollah could hear this too. (Starts to speak) But we also want .......
Clinton: Just a moment. This is not a place to dictate commands. We know you have issues and so have Israelis but first we have to make a conducive environment in which we could talk and resolve this issue. What I want right now from you two is the guarantee that you'll take immediate steps to stop the violence and when the time is right, we'll talk about what you want. OK?
Arafat: OK. If that's what you want.
Clinton: Good good. So let's sign a document in which you say that you both condemn the violence, go back to your places and start telling people to go back to peace.
Arafat and Barak nod in agreement.
Act 3 Barak, Clinton and Mubarak sitting together
Clinton: Well, boys I must say, well done. We did it again. What, hundred of them and only three of us? Not bad Ehud, not bad at all.
Ehud: Thanks Bill. (With a sheepish smile)
Mubarak: I'm happy that we accomplished what we wanted to. Mr. Barak, sorry for the comments I made at the start of the summit. You see, we had to calm Arafat down and the only way Mr. Clinton and I could think of was that we should make him feel that he is not alone.
Barak: I know, I know. I understand. And let me also say that it really worked. That guy really believed that he won the game, set and match. hahaha what a dork.
Mubarak: Excuse me Mr. President but there's something, which I can't understand. Do you think Arafat will be able to put a stop to the violence? I mean will Palestinians listen to him? My friends tell me that he is not that popular among his people anymore.
(Clinton and Barak blurt out a loud laughter)
Clinton: Hosni my boy, you have been around for a long time now. You must start getting things into that skull of yours. Off course he is not popular. When he says to people to stop hurling stones at Israelis, some will listen to him and some won't. So the violence will erupt again sooner or later. Then who will be considered the culprit by international media? Got it? And who the heck wants peace anyway man?
Mubarak: Oh I see.
Clinton: OK boys. I gotta go back to US and enjoy the remaining couple of months of my presidency. Once again well done and keep up the good work. And by the way Ehud (winks with a smile at Barak) say hi to Ariel Sharon for me. Tell him he's very naughty.