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SHARP TRANSLATION: Situation Vacant Adverts

"!!WIN BEER!!
Have a sharp story you think is worth sharing ?
send it to Sharp@scoop.co.nz and WIN BEER!!
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SHARP TRANSLATION: Situation Vacant Adverts

When applying for your next sharp job the following meanings of commonly used phrases in the Situations Vacant columns ought to be kept in mind.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED:"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON:"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

- supplied by a Scoop Sharp stories reader WHO HAS WON BEER!!!

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