Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search

 

Scoop Satire: Ellen Tuff Honorary Award

EDITORS NOTE: Scoop has commenced publication of satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.

Ellen Tuff Recieves Honorary Award

Writer Ellen Tuff recieved the prestigious 'Pakeha's Best Friend' award at the annual New Zeal Inc Redneck's society dinner last night.

Chairman Herbert Cretin said in his introduction that Tuff had "done more to confirm what we've always suspected about Marreys than any so-called 'Packeyha' could have hoped to. That is why I have no hesitation in saying that we at the God Defend New Zeal Inc Rednecks Society feel unanimously that Ellen Tuff is the best damn Marrey that this country has yet assimilated."

Mr Tuff, best known for his witty and insightful newspaper columns, accepted his award and thanked Mr Cretin saying "Don't anybody ever call me a wimp - see, I've been there, I've done my time; but I grew up, got smart, yeah - and I'll still deck anybody who calls me a wimp.

“You know the problem with this country? It's full of losers. Marrey losers. Why can't they all be winners like me you ask? No self-esteem, that's why. Punks. Hey you - where's my cheque? I do get money with this don't I?"

- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming copies should contact the editor at bexpress69@hotmail.com. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.



© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Top Scoops Headlines

 

Scoop 3.0 Update & Membership Sale: The End Of ‘Objectivity’ In Journalism

2019 looks like it might well be another really bad, terrible, not so good year for the traditional journalism model globally... on the positive side, smaller independent players with innovative digital models and a more open approach like our ScoopPro service look likely to be more relevant than ever. More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell: On America’s ‘Green New Deal’

‘Socialism’ is more of a political scare word than an objective condition. Even in the US, as Nate Silver’s 538 website pointed out this week there is polling evidence that modern Americans are inclined to treat socialism as meaning ‘equality’ rather than the ‘government ownership or control’ that Americans understood the term to mean back in the 1940s... More>>

Gordon Campbell: On Listening To Ocasio-Cortez About Tax

In its attitudes to tax, New Zealand has been the last colonial outpost of Thatcherism. Change, however, may be in the air. More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell: On The Nelson Fire And Climate Change

The Nelson fire has been a useful warning of things to come, given how climate change will (a) increase the likelihood of reduced rainfall and drought-like conditions in many parts of New Zealand, which – obviously – will raise (b) the fire danger and (c) the cost of providing the communities at risk with the enhanced firefighting capabilities that they’re going to need. More>>

ALSO: