Scoop Satire: New Approach To Mathematics

EDITORS NOTE: Scoop has commenced publication of satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.

A preview of a Ministry of Education Policy Discussion Paper has revealed plans to introduce an innovative new method of teaching basic mathematics in primary schools.

The paper, entitled 'Maths for the Year 2001 and Further Follow-Up Years' advocates the implementation of 'The Whole Equation Approach' - a method analogous with the 'Whole Word Approach' used in the teaching of spelling; a method the paper credits New Zeal Inc with in maintaining a higher literacy rate than Mali, Chad, parts of Peru, and the United States.

The Paper states that the new approach will 'provide the clients with a holistic overview of mathematical operative functions by inparting addition, subtraction, multiplication and division solutions at a mere glance, thereby negating the necessity of the time-consuming problem-solving process. One feature of this will be the removal of superflously lineal processes, such as counting, from the syllabus, to be replaced by 'Numerical Recognition Capability Studies'.

One critic of the proposed programme said that the mew methods will 'render young people as mere receptacles of potentially erroneous information while denying them the capability to independently investigate the truth or falsity of such information.' A spokesperson replied that the Ministry of Education did not 'recognise the nature of the criticism'.

- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming copies should contact the editor at bexpress69@hotmail.com. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.

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