A Letter Of Application To Maori TV Service
Dear Mr. Fox,
I can understand that you may be wary of some foreigner applying to head up Maori Television Services, but let me assure you, I am no John Davy. I am legitimately unqualified for the post and say so up front. (Since this did not stop Davy, I hope un-qualification will not prove a drawback.)
To elaborate upon my un-qualifications, I have no advance degree from universities real or non-existent, but I can obtain one, at least a 'bachelor's' level. A website called 'The Frumious Bandersnatch' (not to be confused with a pschedelic rock band that I had never heard of until I went in search of the online satiric newspaper) offers diplomas from General Delivery University. I believe all I have to do is send some money. (We may need to discuss this as part of the compensation package.)
To further consideration, I will add that the British Columbia Securities Commission has never heard of me (nor had I ever heard of them). At least, I don't think they have, but you can ask. Indeed, space limitations preclude me from listing all of the organizations that have never heard of me and for whom I have never done a lick of work.
Unfortunately, I must confess that I have lived in New Zealand for nearly a year and a half, as Mr. Davy had not when he applied. In my time here, however, I have managed to remain largely ignorant of most Maori language or customs. Further, I have no broadcast experience nor management background of any consequence. I do, however, tend to interview well, except with groups of people, but I understand that this too should prove no problem. After all, Mr. Davy was not interviewed by nor did he meet all members of the board before his unanimous selection.
All of that said, when you make your new selection for chief executive, I trust the name of Steven R. Fay will rank highly on the 'must interview' list.
Steven R. Fay (aka: Mr. Ornery)
Steven Fay is writer/editor/jack of all trades at The Ornery Reports, an oft-updated humor and satire website whose link follows this message.