Scoop Satire: English PM Has Hand Cut Off
Scoop is publishing satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.
English PM has hand cut off for stealing chicken
English Prime Minister Tory Blair’s current tour of the Middle East, his second in an attempt to maintain support for the War on Terrorism coalition, received a literally crippling setback when his right hand was cut off for stealing a chicken from a market in the Saudi capital of Riyadh yesterday.
Witnesses said Blair was being guided through the marketplace when he broke free from his escorts and grabbed a chicken belonging to local merchant Said El-Sabah, 43.
“Cor blimey – I’ll ‘ave a bit of that!’ Blair exclaimed before breaking the fowl’s neck and displaying it to his horrified hosts.
His last words before being seized were “Luverly jubberly eh lads?” A piece of sackcloth sodden with sheep entrails was then tied around his head prior to his transportation in the back of a horse-cart to a local police station. Small children laughed and pelted the English Prime Minister with rotten fruit and vegetables on his way to getting his hand hacked off with a shining scimitar.
Blair seemed to take the amputation in his stride, however, appearing relaxed and cheerful in talks with the Saudi royal family later that afternoon, and cheerfully waving his bloody swathe to a good natured crowd that had gathered to call for eternal hell to be visited on western democracies. His only gaffe came when he proffered his dripping stump to the Saudi Minister of Nepotism during a photo shoot.
He later downplayed the incident saying “It’s a fair cop Guv– but New Labour’s to blame.”
Sources close to Blair say that he was so encouraged by the consequent boost in his poll ratings back in Britain after the incident that he is considering having his left hand hacked off in time for the next election.
- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming copies should contact the editor at firstname.lastname@example.org. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.