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10 reasons we're not doing well in the boat race

Top 10 reasons we're not doing so well in the America's Cup

1. The crew were mentally traumatised by the suggestion that Georgina Beyer might join the shirtless haka.

2. The crew was distracted by the mental image of Cindy Crawford firing Wayne Mapp's starting gun...

3. Helen Clark isn't the skipper -- if she was, the media would be reporting a glorious victory every day even if we lost.

4. Somehow the entire design budget ended up being used for Donna Awatere Huata's trip to the Paris fashion show.

5. The boat is overweight due to the unnoticed presence of the Ingham twins stowing away.

6. That fat guy water skiing behind the Team New Zealand boat looks a lot like Jonathan Hunt.

7. Our weather guys keep being distracted by Wayne Mowat's exciting National Radio afternoon show.

8. Helen Clark didn't appoint enough Ministers responsible for the America's Cup.

9. The crew decided to throw the competition to avoid having to hear 'Loyal' one more time.

10. We sink.

Be brave and pass it on!

St Molesworth

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