Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search


Satire: WMD could stand for many things – Rumsfeld

Rumsfeld: "W.M.D. could stand for many things."

Defense Secretary reminds reporters of various words that begin with letters W, M, and D.

Washington, D.C.--In response to increased criticism from Congress and the UN that no W.M.D.'s (Weapons of Mass Destruction) have been found to justify the pre-emptive invasion of Iraq by coalition forces, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld cautioned that some may have jumped to false conclusions about what "W.M.D." stood for.

"It would be ridiculous to assume that that those three letters referred to Weapons of Mass Destruction in every situation in which they were uttered," he said. "Indeed, I can think of several other phrases beginning with the same three letters right off the top of my head.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld lists alternate phrases beginning with W.M.D.'s such as Wimpy Muslim Dirt-farmers.

Rumsfeld then rattled off a litany of W.M.D.'s found in abundance in Iraq beginning with "Worthless Murals and Dinars," "Windowless Metropolitan Downtown areas" and "White Male Dominators." Rumsfeld continued for several minutes before finally running out of steam at "Windy Motherf**king Dunes."

"As I have just clearly demonstrated, W.M.D. could stand for many things," he said. "In fact, it would be impossible to say what President Bush, Secretary of State Colin Powell and I were referring to in our countless speeches and press briefings in which we claimed that Iraq possessed W.M.D.'s. One would have to look at each individual case to assertain the specific meaning within that particular context."

Members of the White House Press Corps ask Ari Fleischer how stupid he thinks they are.

Rumsfeld ended the press briefing by suggesting that the misunderstanding surrounding W.M.D.'s may have been a result of faulty intelligence on the part of the press and American public.

"And besides," he continued. "Those weapons of mass destruction are probably in Iran now, anyway."

******** ENDS ********

- Satire from, republished with permission.

© Scoop Media

Top Scoops Headlines


Jan Rivers: The New Zealanders Involved In Brexit

There are a number who have strong connections to New Zealand making significant running on either side of the contested and divisive decision to leave the European Union. More>>

Rawiri Taonui: The Rise, Fall And Future Of The Independent Māori Parties

Earlier this month the Māori Party and Mana Movement reflected on the shock loss of their last parliamentary seat in this year’s election. It is timely to consider their future. More>>

Don Rennie: Is It Time To Take ACC Back To First Principles?

The word “investing” has played a major part in the operations of the ACC since 1998... More>>

Using Scoop Professionally? Introducing ScoopPro

ScoopPro is a new offering aimed at ensuring professional users get the most out of Scoop and support us to continue improving it so that Scoop continues to exist as a public service for all New Zealanders. More>>