UN Inspectors Uncover No WMD's In Iraq Speech
Exhaustive efforts by UN weapons inspectors
uncover no WMD's in Iraq speech by Bush
Bush says WMD notes may have been destroyed prior to unilateral rhetorical action, possibly eaten by dog.
Satire from: http://www.freepressed.com
President George W. Bush recited his speech in front of the nation and the world without really having a clue what he was saying.
Washington D.C.--Despite an intense effort to recover notes outlining the administration’s indisputable proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, President Bush was unable to find them in time for his speech to the nation and the world Sunday.
As a result, all mentions of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction were conspicuously absent from President Bush's address to the American public and international community.
A frantic George W. Bush searched for the evidentiary documents moments before the televised broadcast was scheduled to begin.
“I’m telling you, I know exactly how many pages there were and where they were in order of appearance. There were tons of them," the befuddled "leader of the free world" said. "They're 'round here somewhere. Just give me a second to find 'em."
Instead, vague generalities about the need to stay the course and cynical pandering to Americans' sense of unity and patriotism were employed to take the place of hard proof of Saddam Hussein's alleged chemical, biological and nuclear capabilities--the primary justification for the preemptive invasion of Iraq.
Hans Blix and Mohamed El Baradei verified that a rigid inspections regime spanning two days has uncovered no evidence that Bush's speech contained any mention of weapons of mass destruction.
"While the president has certainly not been forthcoming in regards to intelligence pertaining to WMD's, it is highly unlikely that he ever intended to address the subject at all," Blix said of the speech.
Bush responded that the documentation might have been ingested by his dog Barney in retaliation for being dropped by the president at the Waco Midway Little League Softball World Series championship.
President Bush accidentally dropped his dog, Barney, while at the Waco Midway Little League Softball World Series. Barney never forgot the humilitaion he suffered there.
"That mut's had it out for me ever since I body slammed him on the concrete," Bush said. "This stunt's gonna get him a date with the Castrator."
Blix made the point that prior to the invasion of Iraq every Bush speech made mention of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. Furthermore, he reminded reporters that the UN Weapons Inspectors were criticized for not verifying the existence of prohbited weapons systems. Blix said now that US teams charged with finding WMD's have also come up empty it is safe to taunt the president relentlessly.
"Show me the WMD, Bushy," Blix sang as he danced around the UN General Assembly chamber. "You can't blame me, you lying Bushy."
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