Bush Claims To Have Come Up With A Good Idea
Bush says he planned to transfer control of Iraq to the UN all along
French president Jacques Chirac accuses the President of stealing his idea, calls him a political hack.
Satire from... http://www.freepressed.com/
CAPTION: UN members knew some flim-flamery was coming when President Bush notified them that he had "a better idea."
Wahington, D.C.--In response to challenges from France and other nations to relinquish political power to the UN and set a timeline leading to elections in Iraq, Bush simply reworded the request and passed it off as his own idea while in discussions last week with the General Assembly of the UN.
It was a risky political maneuver considering the administration has pissed off pretty much every other government in the world in the run-up to the war but is now asking for donations of money and troops for the occupation and rebuilding of Iraq.
"Hey, I've got a better idea," he said. "Instead of giving the United Nations political control of the country while imposing a timeline for elections, why don't we just transfer governmental authority to some kind of international body and come up with a schedule during which the selection of leaders by ballot can be conducted."
French President Jacques Chirac seemed confused by Bush's doublespeak. "You just said what I said only with different words."
"No I didn't," responded the president. "And besides, if I used different words how could it have been the same thing you said?"
German Chancellor Goerhard Schroeder stepped in to the fray on behalf of Chirac.
"He's right, George, you just substituted the phrase 'transfer governmental authority' for 'giving the United Nations political control' and 'selection of leaders by ballot' for 'elections,'" Schroeder noted. "Not to mention the part where you replaced the 'United Nations' with 'international body.' Dude, you're so full of it. Just admit it."
"Big deal, what are you gonna do about it," Bush challenged. "You see, I'm the President of the United States of the Universe and I don't have to explain myself to you or anybody. Maybe you should have to explain your statements to me."
CAPTION:The leader of the "Wonder Bug" crime investigation unit, pictured on the far right, was a master at coopting other peoples bright ideas. He was the man George W. Bush always wanted to be, after "the Fonz," that is.
It was a classic display of realpolitik and psychological jiu-jitsu from the President. Bush told reporters later that the idea for this latest political maneuver came to him while watching an old Krofft Superstars episode of "Wonder Bug."
In the series, at some point in every episode, the lead character would reject a fellow crime fighters' plan to catch the bad guys but then rephrase it in his own words and then claim credit for this "better idea."
"It always worked on the 'Wonder Bug,'" Bush said, perplexed. "I wonder what I did wrong."
His aides reminded him that his crime fighting friends are on TV whereas the President, presumably, lives in the "real world."
"Oh yeah, that's a bummer," Bush said. "You know, things would be easier if I was a TV character. I'd be '"the Fonz." He was cool. And, secretly, I've always wanted to be gay and Jewish."
Contact firstname.lastname@example.org to receive the weekly email