Satire: Bush Makes Secret Trip To The Moon
Bush Makes Secret Trip To The Moon
Conspiracy theorists claim the president was on a sound stage in New Mexico.
Satire From… freepressed.com
CAPTION: Bush described his trip to the moon as 'friggin cool.
Washington, D.C.-- Just two weeks after the Bush Administration first announced its “bold, visionary and completely original” plan to send a manned spacecraft to the moon, Americans woke up last Saturday morning to find that President George W. Bush had made a secret two and a half hour trip to the lunar surface.
“This is George W. Bush, ‘Merica,” the 43rd President said as he perched on the stairwell that led to the frigid lunar landscape. “I’m on the moon. This is friggin’ cool.”
Bush stopped on the last step before he touched the surface and with tears visible behind his helmet’s visor said “I’m takin’ one small step to prove that our space program can kick anybody else’s ass.”
For the rest of his duration on the moon, President Bush romped on the surface, hitting a golf ball “because its cool to watch it float”, making “moon angels” by falling backwards on the satellite’s surface and jumping the moon rover over craters.
With the president were two astronauts, a Halliburton Representative who tapped portions of the surface near the spacecraft to see if any oil could be found and thirteen members of the press, including Leslie Mulgroves from Fox News and friends.
“The President’s creative insight is staggering. What other leader in our nation’s history could have ever conceived of such an idea? I think this proves the old saw that “Closer to God goes George W. Bush.”
Indeed, a collective “Ahhhh” went up across the country, when the president looked out at the glowing emerald planet below him and said “I see you ‘Merica and you’re beautiful.”
CAPTION: Bush said it would be cool if he could spit on the Earth from here.
It was shortly after his trip to Iraq on Thanksgiving Day that the President announced his plan to send a manned mission to the moon.
"I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth," Bush said.
A hesitant hand went up in the back of the White House pressroom.
“Excuse me Mr. President but didn’t John F. Kennedy say that,” Perry Stenger, Bloomberg News asked.
“I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel here people,” Bush replied.
When asked how much it would cost and why the President wanted to revive the moon program after 22 visits during the 1970’s, Bush answered “A lot and because it’s awesome.”
He also wanted to build a moon base.
know, something with a dome, green alien chicks and a secret
passage way,” he said.
After two and a half hours on the moon, the spacecraft loaded back up and headed home with a quick fly by the International Space Station so that Bush could show his ass to the Russians currently living on the base.
CAPTION: The American public is beginning to wonder if Bush really went to Iraq for Thanksgiving.
Critics of the President accused the moon landing of being a PR stunt.
“His approval rating is going into the shitter what do you expect,” said James Zogby of the Zogby Poll.
Conspiracy theorists such as Terry Van Allen and Barla Collins who run the popular www.unfound.org website accused the President of faking the moon landing.
“Look at the pictures of him on the moon. First, the wind is blowing the flag in the background. There’s no wind on the moon. Second, where are all of the stars? Third, if you look into the reflection on his helmet, you can see sound and stage people in the background,” Van Allen said.
“How many times are people going to have to watch Capricorn One before they admit that the whole damn thing was staged. The president was on a stage that is hidden in Area 51 in the New Mexico desert,” said Barla Collins.
Conspiracy theorists claim that this isn’t the first time that President Bush has staged or made up events such as the fake turkey that he held during his trip to Iraq, landing on the airplane carrier last May and the premise for the Iraq war.
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