Bush Counters Parade Of Bad News With Naps

Washington, D.C.-- Despite the endless stream of evidence that Bush lied his ass off to get us into a war with Iraq, the president has not had any trouble sleeping at noon.
In fact, White House officials claim the president is at his slumbering best when surrounded by controversy--and work to be done.

"It's really amazing. Everytime he gets some bad news about someone exposing another one of his phony justifications for war, he just says, 'Don't worry. I'll just sleep it off,'" an anonymous White House aide revealed. "I mean, I guess he can do that. He's the president and all, but he can't sleep forever."

But he might have to if the trend continues--just this week a slew of events undermined the president's credibility on the war in Iraq.

The Army War College released a report in which the war in Iraq was described as a needless "detour" from the war on terrorism. Colin Powell said he had seen no smoking gun evidence that Saddam Hussein had any connections to al-Qaeda, and Tony Blair admitted that now he doesn't know if the pre-war claims about Iraq's possession of weapons of mass destruction were correct.

Bush's response was immediate and resolute.

"What's the difference? Hey, close the blinds, I need to get me some shut-eye."

"But Mr. President, you just woke up," his aide reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. In that case maybe I'll be able to slip back into that dream I was having where I was a fireman driving a big red firetruck. I always wanted to be a firefighter, but Poppy told me I was destined for greatness. I'm ready for my destiny to start, now."

Caption: Bush fights off an incoming nap as he and Colin Powell are briefed on the mess they have made in Iraq.

The president immediately nodded off into a deep sleep--complete with drooling, snoring, and occasional talking.

"Take that, evildoer," he could be heard shouting as he tossed and turned. "Who's your president? Say my name, biatch!"

When he awoke, more bad news was waiting for him.

"Uh, Mr. President. Four-hundred weapons inspectors have been sent home and David Kay said he won't be going back to Iraq to continue the search for WMD's because there aren't any."

Bush immediatley crawled back in bed, closed his eyes tight and called for Laura.
"Honey, where's the Xanax?"

President Bush is expected to come out of his drug-induced power nap just in time for a fundraiser in Colorado next week.

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