Bush Cabinet Members Who Got It Wrong Sent Packing

LaLa Land--Heads rolled at the White House Monday following David Kay's assessment that "we all got it wrong" in reference to Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.

In a cynical attempt to cover his ass, President Bush stunned his cabinet by announcing that they would be replaced by those who got it right.

"How is it that these left coast liberals had better intelligence than our $30 billion intelligence apparatus?" Bush asked.

Rumsfeld fielded that question.

"Mr. President, don't you remember? We were making up our own intelligence so we could take over Iraq's oil fields."

The president wasn't about to let the facts get in his way.

"Oh yeah. But it's an election year. So, you're all fired."

Bush got on the phone to liberal command central in Hollywood. He caught Janeane Garafalo in the middle of drafting a new national security estimate in light of the lack of WMDs in Iraq.

"Hey, watcha' doin'?"

"Not much, just analyzing this data from the CIA and developing a threat matrix to anticipate and prevent future terrorist attacks...Oh yeah, I'm also blaming America first for the clusterfuck in Iraq."

"I should have known," the President said. "Say, would you be interested in coming to the White House and taking over for Condi as my national security advisor?"

CAPTION: Bush says move over Condi, there's a new bitch in town--Janeane Garafalo.

"You mean leaving the seedy world of show business to join the even seedier world of politics in the most corrupt administration our country has ever seen just to give you cover in an election year?" Garafalo asked. "Sure. Why not?"

"Sweet, do you have Tim Robbins' number? I'm trying to get him to be the new secretary of state."

Bush hung up the phone and called the Robbins-Sarandon residence.

"Hello." answered a male voice on the other end.

"Tim?" the president asked.

"Tim's not here. This is Kevin."

"Costner?" the president asked. "What are you doing there? Never mind. Let me talk to Susan."

"Uh, she's kind of tied up right now. You want to leave a message?"

"Yeah, tell her she's the new secretary of defense."

"You want her to be secretary of defense?" Costner repeated incredulously.

Just then Bush heard Susan's voice in the background.

"Oh, God, Yes!"

"Sounds like she's really into it. Tell her I'll see her in D.C."

Having contacted Garafalo, Robbins and Sarandon, the President set his sights on a new intelligence chief.

The obvious replacement was the man who saw through the propaganda and lies put forth by the administration to justify the invasion--Michael Moore.

CAPTION: Dubya would stab his own mother in the back rather than take responsibility for his actions. In this case, Rumsfeld, Powell and Tenet would suffice.

"Hello."

"Michael, this is your president. Your country requests your services as the new CIA director."

"Dude, where's my country?" Moore asked. "And could I, like, have it back now."

"Heh, that's funny. But seriously. Remember at the Oscars when you said we were being led to war for fictitious reasons, by a fictitious president?"

"Yeah, so."

"How'd you know?"

"Uh, I have a functioning brain and I read the newspaper."

"Those are the two things we're looking for in our fictitious changing of the guard. What'da say?"

"I say take this job and shove it, stupid white man."

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