Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | News Flashes | Scoop Features | Scoop Video | Strange & Bizarre | Search

 


Satire: The Most Evil Meets The Most Holy

The Most Evil Meets The Most Holy


In ceremony at the Vatican, Vice President Dick Cheney presents Pope with black dove.
Freepressed.com


CAPTION: Cheney's black, cold heart raced in the presence of the holy one.

Vatican City-- The most exalted holy one met the prince of evil at the Vatican last week.

Vice-President Dick Cheney was on a save-his-ass tour of Europe as rumors abounded that the former Halliburton CEO and Wyoming Senator was on the skids with the Bush administration.

Cheney who has been out of the public spotlight for the last year is rumored to be on the way out after having become a liability for the president.

"George has been cold to me the lately. I was making a cup of coffee last week and I saw him and Condi Rice, whispering and pointing at me," Cheney said.

The Vice-president said that he was taking his morning constitutional when he heard Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld discussing him as they preened in front of the bathroom mirror.

"Collin was like 'I kind of feel sorry for Dick' and Donald was like 'I don't. Big Time is a grade-A asshole,'" Cheney said.

The Vice-President immediately booked a three-day whirlwind tour of Europe hoping that he could repair some of the damage done by the Bush administration when they pissed on their allies before the Iraq war.


CAPTION: Big Time overheard Rummy and Powell talking about him getting canned while taking his morning constitutional.

Cheney attended a World Economic Forum in Davos and later visited with the Italian parliament.
The decision to meet with the Pope was made off the cuff.

"We were driving around Italy and I thought it'd be a hoot to drop by the Pope's and rap with him. Maybe, if George sees that he won't dump me," Cheney said.

He stopped by a gift shop and bought a black dove to represent war and then he rolled up to the front of the Vatican.

Dressed all in black with the air of an undertaker, Cheney knocked on the gates of the Vatican, which was opened by a weak pope.

"Yes," the pope said.

"Here I brought you this," Cheney said, shoving the brown paper bag that covered the black dove into the pope's gut.

An enfeebled pope told Cheney that in a world "marked with conflict and injustice" it is important that all nations seek international cooperation and work for peace and respect."

"But when they don't we can whip their ass, right?" Cheney asked.


CAPTION: Cheney recounted his harrowing brush with holiness on Meet the Press.

"The American people have always cherished the fundamental values of freedom, justice and equality," the Pope mumbled.

Head back, Vice President Cheney had already fallen asleep.

Ten minutes later, James Nicholson, US ambassador to the Vatican, woke the vice president.

"Is it time to split? Nobody told me the Pope was such a long-winded bore," Cheney said.

Pope John Paul attempted to hand Cheney a pair of rosaries but the vice president threw his hands over his face and hissed.

"Uh, I'll pick those up later," Nicholson said.

Contact freepressed@brentflynn.com to receive the weekly email edition.

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
 
 
Top Scoops Headlines

 

Werewolf: Living With Rio’s Olympic Ruins

Mariana Cavalcanti Critics of the Olympic project can point a discernible pattern in the delivery of Olympics-related urban interventions: the belated but rushed inaugurations of faulty and/or unfinished infrastructures... More>>

Live Blog On Now: Open Source//Open Society Conference

The second annual Open Source Open Society Conference is a 2 day event taking place on 22-23 August 2016 at Michael Fowler Centre in Wellington… Scoop is hosting a live blog summarising the key points of this exciting conference. More>>

ALSO:

Buildup:

Gordon Campbell: On The Politicising Of The War On Drugs In Sport

It hasn’t been much fun at all to see how “war on drugs in sport” has become a proxy version of the Cold War, fixated on Russia. This weekend’s banning of the Russian long jumper Darya Klishina took that fixation to fresh extremes. More>>

ALSO:

Binoy Kampmark: Kevin Rudd’s Failed UN Secretary General Bid

Few sights are sadder in international diplomacy than seeing an aging figure desperate for honours. In a desperate effort to net them, he scurries around, cultivating, prodding, wishing to be noted. Finally, such an honour is netted, in all likelihood just to shut that overly keen individual up. More>>

Open Source / Open Society: The Scoop Foundation - An Open Model For NZ Media

Access to accurate, relevant and timely information is a crucial aspect of an open and transparent society. However, in our digital society information is in a state of flux with every aspect of its creation, delivery and consumption undergoing profound redefinition... More>>

Keeping Out The Vote: Gordon Campbell On The US Elections

I’ll focus here on just two ways that dis-enfranchisement is currently occurring in the US: (a) by the rigging of the boundary lines for voter districts and (b) by demanding elaborate photo IDs before people are allowed to cast their vote. More>>

Ramzy Baroud: Being Black Palestinian - Solidarity As A Welcome Pathology

It should come as no surprise that the loudest international solidarity that accompanied the continued spate of the killing of Black Americans comes from Palestine; that books have already been written and published by Palestinians about the plight of their Black brethren. In fact, that solidarity is mutual. More>>

ALSO:


Get More From Scoop

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Top Scoops
Search Scoop  
 
 
Powered by Vodafone
NZ independent news