Satire: David Kay Says 2000 Election Was Stolen

Washington, D.C.-- The former director of the Iraq Survey Group, David Kay, has shocked the Bush administration once again by stating unequivocally that the 2000 presidential election was indeed stolen by the Supreme Court and delivered to George W. Bush.

Kay's latest revelation follows a string of damaging statements that bring into question the Bush administration's credibility and legitimacy.

He first blindsided the administration when he revealed that no stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction were present in Iraq and that Iraq's weapons production capacity had been destroyed in the early 90's.

"In fact, the U.N. inspection process achieved quite a bit," he said, contradicting popular neoconservative dogma. "We were almost all wrong," he famously declared.

Kay went even further than that in subsequent statements when he warned that Bush's insistence on continuing the search for weapons of mass destruction was actually impeding the investigation into intelligence failures.

"My only serious regret about the continued holding on to the hope that eventually we'll find it is that it eventually allows you to avoid the hard steps necessary to reform the process.''

In fact it was Kay's recommendation that an independent investigation was needed into pre-war intelligence that made it politically impossible for the president to continue to ignore the issue.

"Whose side is he on anyway?" the president demanded. "Are we sure he's really a Republican? Because I never would have hired him if I knew he was going to tell the truth."

Even after the president grudgingly formed the WMD panel to investigate intelligence failures, Kay said while he doesn't believe the administration put pressure on the intelligence community, the scope of the inquiry should be widened to include the possible misuse or politicization of intelligence by the Bush administration as a way to put the issue to rest.

"Would somebody please put a muzzle on that guy," Bush reportedly shouted upon hearing Kay's latest comment.

But Kay's statements on his non-findings in the area of Iraq's WMD are nothing compared to those he is now levelling at the administration.

Apparently intoxicated with honesty, Kay admitted that the 2000 presidential election was a fraud and called on President Bush to step down.

"That recount was stopped by the Supreme Court to perpetuate the Bush dynasty by judges appointed by Dubya's father," he said. "Bush is an illegitimate president who misrepresented intelligence to take the country to war. If there is any semblance of justice left in this so-called democracy then he should be promptly impeached and removed from office."

Kay also revealed that the president still wets his bed and uses a blanky.

"Do not!" the president retorted. "And even if I do, you can't prove it?"

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