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St Molesworth: Top 10 Signs Your School May Close

Top 10 signs Trevor Mallard still wants to close your school

1. Parents actually want their kids to go there.

2. Your school is in a safe National seat.

3. You overhear a visiting Ministry of Education official complain that there isn't a decent winery for 50 kilometres.

4. You return from the summer holidays to find that Room 10 is being rented out to Black Power and is being used as a P lab.

5. Lianne Dalziel recommends Carole Curtis for the new art teacher position.

6. A foul-smelling material falls from the sky and covers your school buildings. You suspect a duck.

7. You express disquiet about the Ministry's directive to replace maths with treaty and transgender studies.

8. First time you've seen Trevor Mallard in the area since he became Minister in 1999.

9. Instead of being given school housing to live in, the new principal is offered a Maui camper van.

10. Local moving companies start placing full page adverts in your school newsletter.

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