Pentagon At War With The People Of Iraq, Not Govt.

Baghdad--- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reassured leaders of Iraq's Governing Council Friday that the current military operations are aimed at the Iraqi population of freedom-hating men, women and children that make up Iraq's population of 25 million, not the U.S.-installed puppet regime.

The announcement came after one council member suspended his membership on the governing body and another threatened to resign over the U.S. seige of Fallujah.

Rumsfeld sought to put the government officials at ease so as not to jeopardize the handover of power to the group of ex-patriots and lackeys hand-picked by the Bush administration to rule Iraq. He also reaffirmed that the handover of 'sovereignty' is set in stone for June 30, even if the transfer is to a goat herder named Ahmed.

"Rest assured that our beef is not with the governing council but with the millions of terrorists that reside in the region historically known as Mesopatamia."

He added that since Saddam is already in custody and the remnants of the former regime have melted into the general population, pretty much every Iraqi is fair game.

"If the'yre not a terrorist, they have no reason to be in Iraq," Rumsfeld explained. "I think those of you in the media need to be mindful of that when you report on 'civilian' casualties."

Tensions have been brought to a boiling point in the last week as Shiites in the south have revolted against coalition forces and joined with the Sunnis in central Iraq to throw off what they see as a colonial occupation of their country.

White House and Pentagon officials have repeatedly said that the insurgency is made up of Saddam loyalists, al-Qaeda cells, and Islamist radicals from Iran and is not a popular revolt.

But in light of the latest round of violence across the country, Rumsfeld widened the constituency of the resistance to include radical housewives, evil school-aged madmen, and husbands and fathers bent on acquiring weapons of individual destruction.

"I think a lot of you have forgotten that we are dealing with Middle Eastern people. These are some of the craziest, unpredictable motherfuckers on earth," he said. "It almost makes you wonder why former President Clinton got us mixed up in this hornets nest in the first place. But the important thing now is to kill as many of them as possible before we withdraw and allow the country to descend into chaos."

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