Satire: The 'Liberty Leash' Makes A Comeback

America's Rape Rooms-- Long ago discarded into the dustbin of history, the single most important tool in the spread of democracy worldwide has once again emerged to free an oppressed people.

The Liberty Leash has played an integral role in the liberation of the human condition throughout the centuries.

In Rome, the birthplace of democracy, the predecessor of the leash, the shackle, could be seen adorning the necks of citizens in training, or slaves, in every city and village.

In the Dark Ages, the practice of setting people free by the use of restraints was frowned upon and so was practiced only in underground hideouts called dungeons.

It wasn't until settlers set foot on the shores of the new world seeking freedom from the tyranny of European kings that tying humans up with ropes and chains for the purpose of freeing them was openly permitted in society.

Thanks to the Bush administration's disdain for the Geneva Conventions, the Liberty Leash is once again at the forefront of coerced democratization.

But despite its rich history, many Americans had never heard of the Liberty Leash until photos of the restraint in action were released by the popular CBS TV news program, 60 Minutes II.
"Why is that guy naked and wouldn't that thing choke him?" Cynthia Marshalls of Burkport, Maine naively asked of the liberating lead. "Oh my god, are they laughing? That's so disturbing."

Others readily accepted the idea of humiliating Iraqis to teach them what democracy is all about.

"Hell yes we should tie em' up. They're all godless monkeys after all," said Pritchard Johnson, a Baptist minister and president of the local Republican party in Maconville, Georgia. "The only way we're going to bring American style democracy to the Middle East is at the end of a gun or a leash. It's up to them."

Bush administration officials are already hoping to capitalize on the resurgence of the Liberty Leash by offering special autographed editions from members of his cabinet.

"You too can own your very own freedom restraint if you act now. Supplies are limited," Bush said. "You see, I'm the new dictator of Iraq so I say who gets to wear a leash and who doesn't."

ENDS

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