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Mary Pitt: A Chat With Elizabeth (Dole)


by Mary Pitt

Dear Elizabeth,

Oh, yes, it is now officially ''Liddy'', isn't it? You must excuse an old habit, it has been ''Elizabeth'' for such a long time. Well, I don't really mean a LONG time, actually much longer in my case than in yours. heh heh

I see they're putting you back on television now! I saw you on Chris Matthews last night and again this morning on CNN and you looked fantastic! It is simply marvelous that you epitomize the Southern gentility to which they must appeal in oder to gain the votes of others like you. After all those years of having to pose as a Kansan, it must be relief to be able to just be your sweet Southern self. And you are SO much easier to look at than that ancient Schlaffley creature!

As one "lady of a certain age" to another, the botox and collagen are doing a marvelous job of maintaining the results of your facial surgery. I also think the new hair-do is fabulous! The color hides the sallow skin tones and makes you look very little over forty!

By the way, I do think that you were a bit ingenuous in saying that John Edwards is too ambitious in running for the vice-presidency at such a tender age. If you aren't careful, people will begin to question the difference between his age and yours.

I did like the clever way you slid the lady-like hat pin between the ribs of a man whom you admit that you hardly know. You are, absolutely, the epitome of Southern gentility. I would be a bit careful on the "experience" issue, though. We both know that you would cinch up your corset, see the plastic surgeon for a touch-up, and toss your prettiest Sunday hat into the ring faster than Monica hit her knees if someone were to suggest you for the same job, and we know how much experience you have in "foreign affairs"! heh heh

I am afraid that our party is in for rather a hard battle this year. It is enough to have another "Kennedy Massachusetts Liberal" opposing us without that Edwards person stirring up the rabble with all his talk of "Two Americas". Not only do the Nigras insist on the right to vote, but now the working class are being roused to demand a "living wage" as well as health care provided by the employer! Why, if this movement is not stopped, our maids will expect to be PAID as well as being given room and board.

Well, I have decided not to worry overmuch! Already, the liberal media who thought that Kerry was so handsome and personable when he was running in the primaries against Clinton have turned agasinst him and refer to him as "wooden" and "distant". Why, some uncouth persons are referring to him as Lurch. Isn't that simply delicious? They are also calling Edwards an "ambulance chaser", heh heh That will help a lot to discredit them and we can let our own people keep the power which they have so richly earned.

Speaking of rich, I understand that our tax cuts will still be coming along right on schedule. And I hear that you also are getting a raise in pay. While I feel that you are much too genteel a person to be in the work force, I am sure that your little income will be of help to supplement Bob's retirement. I hope you will soon get that bothersome budget thing cleared up so you can go on "recess" and get some well-deserved rest in your Florida home. The Carolinas can be so boring in the off-season.

Best wishes and stay beautiful!



Mary Pitt is a septuagenarian Kansan who is self-employed and active in the political arena. Having three generations of descendants, she feels obligated to leave them with the same rights and freedoms which she has so enjoyed.

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