Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search


Freepressed Satire: The One That Got Away?

The One That Got Away?

The Democrats are kicking themselves for letting the GOP steal the life of their party, Sen. Zell Miller.

CAPTION: Georgia Sen. Zell Miller struck the perfect balance between raving lunacy and venom-filled r age at the Republican National Convention in NYC.

New York City --Democrats are wondering how they could have gotten it so wrong, driving away a senator who so perfectly represents the values of the Democratic party.

Following Zell Millers' Alzheimer's-induced rant, Terry McAuliffe is thinking of strategies, anything, to win back the "Democrat" from Georgia.

"What can you say about Zell. He really is the soul of the party," the DNC chairman explained. "The cynical, decrepit, black soul of the party. On second thought, they can keep him."

Others wonder if there is anything the Democrats can do short of declaring martial law and upping his medication to bring the cultural conservative back into the fold.

Miller has been a proponent of ending the practice of electing U.S. Senators and instead giving state governors the authority to appoint members of Congress.

"And while we're at it let's just get rid of that troublesome Constitution," Sen. Joe Biden offered. "How about a life-time supply of Depends thrown in for good measure? If we can't lure him back with diapers I don't know what else to do."

However, Republican and Undecided voters couldn't get enough of Miller's negative attacks on his "own" party.

Sean Hannity pointed to Miller's criticisms of the Democratic Party as proof that it has veered off the path of mainstream America.

"Zell's endorsement of George W. Bush for president is just one more example of how out of touch the Democratic Party is with the senile-old-coot demographic," Hannity explained. "If the Democrats don't start wooing the mean and mindless over 70 block of voters, they're finished."

Eight-year-old Katie Eubanks happened into the living room during Miller's speech before screaming and hiding under her bed.

"Mommy, mommy, are all evil zombie-men voting for George Bush?" she asked. "I'm scared."

Miller said his speech at the Republican convention should have been a wake-up call to the Democrats.

"I wish I could have been at the DNC headquarters so I could get up in their faces," he said. "I challenge any one of those lilly-livered peaceniks to a dual. Ah hell. I'm getting so worked up I just soiled myself."

© Scoop Media

Top Scoops Headlines


27-29 Sept: Social Enterprise World Forum Live Blog

1600+ delegates from more than 45 countries have came together to share wisdom, build networks and discuss how to create a more sustainable future using social enterprise as a vehicle. Attending the Forum were social enterprise practitioners, social entrepreneurs, policy makers, community leaders, investors, activists, academics and more from across the globe... More>>

HiveMind Report: A Universal Basic Income For Aotearoa NZ

Results from this HiveMind suggests that an overwhelming majority of Kiwis believe that due to changing circumstances and inefficiencies in the current system, we need a better system to take care of welfare of struggling members in our society. More>>


Scoop Hivemind: Medical Cannabis - Co-Creating A Policy For Aotearoa

Welcome to the fourth and final HiveMind for Scoop’s Opening the Election campaign for 2017. This HiveMind explores the question: what would a fair, humane and safe Medical Cannabis policy look like for Aotearoa, NZ in 2018? More>>


Lyndon Hood: Notes On National’s Election Campaign, In Poem Form

Nationyl’s bitumen-ing / As they du du / Seed groweth / River floweth / Then ‘dozer drives thru / Highway ensu. More>>