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The Dog Skin Report: American Values

The Dog Skin Report: American Values


The Dog Skin Report

Election 2004 has now concluded. Media pundits tell us ''morality'' was the turning point. They ask us to swallow the elephantine idea that more American voters made their decision based on Bush's superior ''moral values'' than on a botched war and looted economy: ''Sure, he was a complete f%#k up, but he meant well.''

Is just me that sees a disconnect? How can the same exit polls that were apparently so wrong on Kerry's vote totals suddenly be so right on why we voted the way we thought we voted but apparently didn't!

Logically, here's what Election 2004 says about American values...

We believe a man who used his daddy's influence to escape going to war is morally superior to a man who volunteered and did serve in Vietnam.

We believe moral clarity is exhibited by the Swift Boat Vets going after the guy who did get shot at to help elect the guy who didn't. Our superior sense of ethics and fair play was obvious by how we made use of that information in casting our ballots.

We believe a man who was guilty of Martha Stewart-style insider trading is morally superior to a man with a distinguished career in government service.

We believe a man whose first act in office was to lock away documents from the public eye is morally superior to someone who fought to open government files to the public and close corporate access to private data on individual citizens.

We believe a man who refused to discuss allegations of past cocaine use is morally superior to someone who held hearings in Congress regarding allegations of cocaine trafficking by CIA-sponsored armies.

We believe a man who took the nation to war so he could take revenge against a man he believed tried to kill his father is morally superior to a man who volunteered for war and then came back and used his constitutionally-guaranteed rights to openly campaign against it.

We believe a man who directed his chief counselor, Alberto Gonzalez, to devise rules of prisoner treatment that would permit torture is morally superior to a man who, after witnessing war firsthand, worked with an ex-POW (John McCain) to normalize relations with a former enemy.

We believe a man who, when asked, could not think of a single mistake he had made is morally superior to a man who went to war and returned with the words: “How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?"

We believe a tough guy so paranoid of dissent that the Secret Service had to throw three schoolteachers out of his rally for wearing t-shirts saying “protect our civil liberties" is morally superior to a man whose wife had no problems handling hecklers.

We believe a man who, when told the nation was under attack, continued to read a book to a group of children for over five minutes and then fled to Nebraska is morally superior to a man who, when confronted with attack, turned his boat around and chased down the enemy.

We believe a man who accuses his opponent of being a “liberal” without understanding the definition of the word is morally superior to a man who has a lifetime of actions which are the epitome of true meaning of that word.

Have we lost our minds? I hope not. I hope for the acquittal of America's voting public. I hope the evidence eventually shows this election was Grand Theft II--something stolen by a cynical cabal willing to use any means in their lust for power.

The alternative is simply too cruel to contemplate.

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