Kerry Concedes A Majority Are Jackasses

Ship of Fools-- Former presidential candidate John Kerry, while magnanimous in his official concession speech, has since had time to reflect on his loss and has now taken a less concilliatory tone.

"Let me make sure I've got this right. After running up record deficits that threaten the future of Social Security and Medicare, presiding over the worst national security failure since Pearl Harbor, and committing the biggest military miscalculation in our nation's history by invading Iraq, the American people still want George W. Bush in the Oval Office taking orders from Dick Cheney?

"Well, in that case, fuck it. You can have him."

Kerry went on to note that it took the President three debates to come up with the shakiest of defenses for his failed policies.

"In the first debate he was vacuous. In the second debate he was angry and aggressive. By the third debate he began to approach coherence. Yeah, good choice red states. I think you've picked a real winner here."

Kerry referred to polls showing that for 22 percent of voters, "family values" were the most important issues.

"Because it makes sense to focus on blocking gay marriage and stem cell research when Americans are dying needlessly in a war the President created using misinformation and lies...Dipshits."

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