Lyndon Hood: Thanks Winston! Says Grateful Refugee
Thanks Winston! Says Grateful Refugee
by Lyndon Hood
Satire: Amer Mahdi Saleh Khashaly's profile has been low since the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. Many Iraqs had never even heard of him, let alone thought of lynching him. Even the occupying forces had ignored him.
So despite his fondest wishes, when he left Iraq he was quite likely to return. But thanks to WInston Peters, his outlook has changed.
"Iraq is the place of my birth," he said, "but it is, as you say in New Zealand, 'a hole'. I came here hoping to somehow cobble together a residency permit. Turns out, I didn't have a case for refugee status. Who knew? But then, the good Mr Peters named me in parliament as a former servant of Saddam Hussein. Now, people are waiting in Iraq to kill me.
"I realised I could never go home again. This pleased me very much. Of course, I applied for refugee status the next day.
"Now I will write to all my friends and relatives telling them to come to the wonderful country, with such helpful MPs. Thank you Mr Peters!"
After he began naming undesirable immigrants, Peters' his popularity has soared. Many attribute this to his fan base in the wave of former totalitarians that have rushed into the country since, hoping that they, too, will get worldwide publicity.
"I once contributed to a cake stall in support of the Syrian occupation," said one Lebanese man, who has already waited three days to see the Tauranga MP, "If the people at home knew this, I would not be safe. Please, if you see Mr Peters, give him my name."
Police have already conducted several dawn raids on the shantytown that has sprung up on Peters' front lawn. During the day, residents hold placards proclaiming their links to various repressive regimes or sexual proclivities.
Although Peters has not named any new immigrants for days and other parties have similar immigration policies, many remain hopeful.
"Winston is still my favorite," said one, "even if Bill English has been photocopying his press releases.
"If only he would say that I held a clerical position in the Taliban regime, I would be unable to return to my homeland, safe neither in Kabul nor in the territories of the warlords. That would be a happy day. Of course, the claim is not true, but when has that stopped him before?"