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The Fantastical World Of Studley McMuffin

The Fantastical World Of Studley McMuffin

By Sheila Samples

Is there a single psychologist or phychiatrist in this country -- in any country -- who would be willing to put his or her credibility on the line and say that George W. Bush is not a bloodthirsty lunatic, a liar and a fool?

I thought not.

I am finding it more and more difficult to hear what he is saying. Each time Bush opens his mouth, he seems to be attempting to channel a loon, but unfortunately, its weird cries are all but drowned out by the maniacal barking of a hyena. That would be fine if he were out in the Texas boonies with the rest of the loons and hyenas rather than illegally occupying the chair reserved for our elected head of state -- arguably the most powerful man in the world.

How long are we going to allow this war criminal to keep killing innocent men, women and children while wiping his brow and complaining how much work -- hard work -- it is? How long, America? Until they're all dead under the weight of our liberation?

In his Saturday radio address, Bush boasted that he and his puppet Iraqi Prime Minister Jaafari not only "discussed" their strong partnership but reveled in the dramatic progress all his hard work in Iraq has made over the past year. A mouse in the corner might confide that Bush told Jaafari, "Do as I say or die, punk." A mouse might say that the progress of which Bush is so proud was nothing more than his chortling over his success at ravaging a nation and its people in order to turn over all its resources to Dick Cheney's Halliburton and a few other lucky US corporate contractors.

Do you listen to him, America? Do you hear him? Do you believe him when he says that the blood of your children, mingled with the blood of Iraqi children, is but a "grim reminder that the enemies of freedom in Iraq are ruthless killers with no regard for human life"? Well, I believe him. Was ever there a more grim reminder of a ruthless killer with no regard for human life than his smirking self?

Tuesday, Bush says, is the first anniversary of the "moment" Iraqis reclaimed their free and sovereign nation. Hoo-boy. If we are to believe him -- in a single instant -- Iraqi people were free, and they had the purple fingers to prove it. Just another "mission accomplished" moment, eh, Scoob? How many more of these bloody photo-op moments are we going to take -- can we take -- in the name of all that is decent? How many, before we finally grab rails, sacks of feathers and buckets of tar, and take off in a dead run for Pennsylvania Avenue?

Just wondering...

Bush says he will give a major speech Tuesday evening on what he calls his "two-track strategy for victory." He will tell us yet once again about his important mission and his firm resolve to perform fantastical, historical, hysterical feats.

Will Bush be The President, addressing such a vital matter while surrounded by the somber trappings of the oval office? Doubtful, because the last time Bush tried that, he became so diminished he disappeared beneath the desk. Karl Rove had to drag in a ladder just so Bush could climb back up in the chair.

Will Bush be the Commander-in-Chief, speaking to us from the dignified podium of Congress? Yeah, like that's going to happen, given the gloomy, increasingly pissed-off mood of Congress. You never know when the "moos" will turn to Boos...

Or will Bush once again be the courageous and fearless Studley McMuffin, all decked out in an Air Force flight jacket, giving yet another campaign speech from a raised platform before a hand-picked military audience with orders to screech "Hoo-AHHHH!" each time Bush stops to take a breath, or when tasered by Karl Rove and Donald Rumsfeld from off-camera -- whichever comes first?

I just report. You decide.

Bush will say the "military track" of his strategy is to defeat the terrorists. He will tell us once again that democracy is on the march and is "taking root" everywhere. Soon, it will cover all of Iraq, sweeping across that nation like Johnson Grass across the west Texas plains.

His "political track," he says, is "to continue helping Iraqis build the institutions of a stable democracy." What the hell does that mean? How can Iraqis build anything? Bush has taken their oil, their money, their businesses, their jobs, their water and electricity and their humanity from them. He has kicked down their doors and dragged their men off to prison while imposing curfews on the women, children and elderly who remain.

Bush will tell us his mission is difficult, and we can "expect more tough fighting in the weeks and months ahead." But, as always, he is resolved and confident. His will remains unbroken -- unbreakable. Even as grieving parents in Iraq and the United States bury the body parts of their children, they can be proud of Bush for working so hard to defy, and defeat, evil throughout the world and replace it with the freedoms of corporate democracy.

Oh, America, how long will we sit and listen to the jangled loon-and-hyena cacophony gushing out of this destructive administration -- the robotic cheers erupting from a condemned military?

We have work to do. Stopping the world of Studley McMuffin and kicking off the "ruthless killers with no regard for human life" who are in control of us will be work. Hard, hard work.

But we must be up and about our country's business, no matter how hard it is. Our country's business is life; therefore, we have no choice. The alternative is not -- nor should it ever be -- an option on our table.


© 2005 Sheila Samples

Sheila Samples is an Oklahoma freelance writer and a former civilian US Army Public Information Officer. She is a regular contributor for a variety of Internet sites. Contact her at:

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