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Clark Announces Election - Hundreds Flee To Oz.

Clark Announces Election - Hundreds Flee To Australia


By Lyndon Hood

Satire: On Monday, Prime Minister Helen Clark told the public that a General Election would be held on September 17. In the wake of that announcement, an estimated 580* people (as of Thursday afternoon) have left the country permanently or for the long term. Another 780 are expected to follow before a week has elapsed.

Several opposition leaders have cited this revelation as proof that Ms Clark's decision to announce the election so far in advance was an irresponsible decision made without any respect for New Zealand's long-term economic well-being. "If this continues," an indignant Winston Peters told a meeting of Grey Power Blenheim, "the country will be empty by 2063!"

Offering an alternative view, Greens immigration spokesperson Metiria Turei suggested that perhaps Ms Clark had just made the announcement in a particularly scary way.

The claim that this migration is caused by the election announcement is supported by the fact that many of the emigrants are going to Australia. No Australian elections are expected in the near future.

People all over New Zealand have been expressing their own reactions to the Prime Minister's actions.

"We have an election date," said Michael Smith of Auckland, "Despite what some were implying, we will have a campaign of almost eight weeks. Excuse me, that's my final boarding call."

"Labour have proposed to write off interest on most student loans. That's an important and controversial policy," Kirsty Patterson said in her Dunedin flat, "I've been looking at these brochures, and I'm learning German. Ich heisse Kirsty."

"National's tax policy will be critical," said Tama Patterson, a father of three from Nelson, "They promised a substantial across the board tax cut, but they've already promised a lot of extra spending. Everyone tells me Melbourne is nice."

Several people we spoke to did not have plans to leave the country this week.

During the same 7 day period, New Zealand - in a situation often attributed to its unacceptable high taxes, its repression of economic freedom and business development and its politically correct submission to the will of the Sisterhood - is expected to gain approximately 1520 permanent or long-term immigrants - more than half of whom are likely to be white.

None of these immigrants were available for comment as of press time.

* All figures are seasonally adjusted.

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