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Lyndon Hood: Lemonade Kids Feel Tax Squeeze

Lemonade Kids Feel Tax Squeeze

Satire by Lyndon Hood


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How much will you let them keep?

Because all other things being equal, they'd want to keep it all.

Now: imagine that skimming off their lemonade sales is in fact your primary source of income.

And that they expect you to pay for their education, doctor's visits and transport and so on.

If they thought about this, they might not mind if you took a lot of their money. In fact, they did show a slight preference for the parent proposing to do do things that way when you asked them last year.

But you do want them rich. Worst case, if a lack of pocket money gets them fed up with the lemonade business then you won't have any cash Ð and they won't have any sports trips.

After all, the whole deal is about you doing things that are in their interest.

You might call it "paternalistic".

But I digress.

Now, as it happens, you did already decrease your cut so that they would have more money to take care of their pets. But are they satisfied?

You might also wish to consider that they made the lemonade in a kitchen that you paid for, and recognise that you'll have to sort out the mess if they give somebody food poisoning.

Also, remember that the people using trite analogies to suggest you let the kids keep more money are the same people who want to let the older girl make the little one work for bargain rates and then fire her after three months for no reason.

And unfortunately, no matter how much money you them keep, they won't make as much as they could if they ran off to the house across the road and worked there.

Not that there aren't people lining up to replace them.

Still, at least now you've finally unbundled the lemon tree.

So anyway, you've got the family budget into the black at long last, and now they're bugging you to get a mortgage and build an extension to the house.

Despite the fact that, as the children begin moving out of the lemonade-selling demographic, you're expecting your income to drop in the medium to long term.

In fact, given that the family is aging, it might be prudent for you to put some money aside.

Possibly best if you took charge of this. Experience suggests that if the kids have any money to spare, they will blow it all buying lollies from the stall down the road.

This is all leaving aside the doomsayers who keep harping on about what might happen if the tree runs out of lemons.

And the whole vexed question of how to support their poor brother, born without the homely charm required to sell lemonade on a lawn.

So. Tricky question, eh?

A good family costs money.

So does a good government.

Oh, and one more thing:

What kid sells lemonade in this country anyway?

***********

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