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Lyndon Hood: 'Kiwi Party' Is An Appropriate Name

Reasons 'Kiwi Party' Is An Appropriate Name

Satire by Lyndon Hood

Larry Baldock is seeking to register the long-awaited party based on 'Judeo-Christian Values', with Gordon Copeland as another intending candidate though no longer would-be co-leader. The name they propose is 'The Kiwi Party'.

On reflection, that is and apt moniker. Reasons for this include, but are not limited to:

  • The new party and the flightless bird are both endangered.

  • Both are freakish throwbacks, representative of a species that their advocates think can only thrive in a protected environment.

  • Both have a problem with rodents in their nests.

  • In French, the name could be rendered 'Qui Oui?', or 'Who will vote for them?'

  • Save the Kiwi says: "Unlike bird species that can entice their mate with colourful plumage or a beautiful song, the male kiwi has drab brown feathers to work with."

  • Perhaps they mean the boot polish. Somehow, I'm sure they all have exceptionally shiny shoes.

  • Or the currency: so far, Gordon Copeland's movements have been at least as reliable as those of the Kiwi dollar.

  • If a kiwi had a website, I imagine its apostrophes would also be pretty random.

  • If I laid the largest egg in proportion to my body weight of any bird then I, too, would probably want the right to hit my kids.

  • Larry Baldock always looks a bit dazed when he comes out in the daylight.

  • No flightless birds will enter parliament in the 2008 elections either.

  • Neither the proposed party, nor national symbol, will fly.

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