Stateside: World Affairs by the Numbers
World Affairs by the Numbers
(An imaginary 2007 phone conversation)
GB43: Hi Papa, howzit goin?
BXVI: Same old, same old. Whassup witchu, buddy?
GB43: Oh, you know, starting to think about what to take with me when I move south in ’09.
BXVI: Uh-huh. Nice Catholic country you’re going to. Couldn’t you have found some better neighbors than that Korean family?
GB43: Aww, they’re friends of my pappy, Papa. Kinda come with the territory.
BXVI: And with some media, so I suppose that’s okay. How’s things going for my visit next year?
GB43: Swell, Papa, swell. We’ve been letting one of them alleged child-abusing cults get a big presence down in my home state, so that at the time of your visit, I can get my buddies to raid them and take up all the airtime.
BXVI: Oh, nice one, G! Wouldn’t do to have the news focusing on how I’ve given Cardinal Law of Boston a free pass and a key to the executive washroom here in VC. I’ll get someone to knock off a few lines in a speech so I come across as listening and caring and that should about do it.
GB43: Works for me, every time! By the way, how’s things going with the Paraguay insurance plan?
BXVI: The renegade bishop?
BXVI: Coming along, coming along. We refused to recognize his resignation, so technically he’s infringing the Paraguay Constitution by running for President. After their ’08 election, things will go downhill fast and there’ll be plenty of reasons to intervene.
GB43: It’s all good, then!
BXVI: All good.
GB43: Gotta go. I’ve got a Constitution to infringe, myself. Paz y amor!
BXVI: Ha, ha! Peace and love? You are sooo funny, G!