Pelosi to Oppose Impeaching President McCain

Found hanging out of the door of a limousine in San Francisco:

Draft Response to Calls to Impeach President McCain
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Third Most Powerful Person in the World, Very Important

The current president, like the last one, and like his party, is a total failure. He's not a leader. He has no judgment, he has no knowledge, he has no plan. I've been saying that for years. I am a long-term planner, and I am working toward long-term gains for Democrats in the House and the Senate. And I say stuff, and I have been saying stuff for years.

There were those who wanted to divide the nation by impeaching the previous president or vice president. I kept the Union intact, which is why we must now reach out to the defeated Confederacy as brothers and sisters... Er, I mean, those who are feeling defeated and depressed. We must not give up or grow desperate or behave rashly. I oppose all moves for secession or affiliation with Canada, and I support the ban on foreign travel by those with higher than average IQs. We cannot allow a brain drain. Nor should we look behind us.

There are those who wanted to see an impeachment trial of George W. Bush and Richard B. Cheney in the United States Senate, with Senator McCain forced to defend their crimes and Senator Obama forced to defend the rule of law. Hindsight is 20-20 and we can now imagine that in fact such a course would have made Obama president even while preserving a democratic republic, but we were intentionally misled by the Republican National Committee, which in May of 2006 announced that they wanted impeachment.

The Republicans wanted impeachment!

Now, if the Republicans want something, then I do not want it. And if they say they want something, you can be sure... er, well, you see, they were intentionally defrauding the Congress and the American public, which is why I am proposing as part of our agenda for the first 111 minutes of the 111th Congress a resolution holding the Republican National Committee accountable and expressing the sense of Congress that they are a bunch of frauds and meanies and sexist pigs who oppose women's rights and hope to destroy the middle-class.

And, remember, I once belonged to the middle class! And, so you should listen to me. I will not divide the nation by haphazardly impeaching President McCain for the same crimes we did not impeach Bush and Cheney for. And I could not impeach Bush and Cheney because a lot of Democrats voted for the war on Iraq. And a lot of Democrats voted for the war on Iraq because they were lied to by the Republicans and they were gullible enough to believe the lies. So it comes down to a question of wisdom and perception, poise, grace, botox, hair dye, and lots of money.

Alright, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

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