Irish Eyes: Weather On The Inside
Irish Eyes is an occasional column from Dublin Scoop Greg Meylan - feedback may be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.
It is a commonly known fact that it hardly ever rains or hails inside, so when eleven of the top advertising executives sat down over the summer to discuss how to market 'Ireland's last great autumnal weather event of the millenium', they came up with the idea of bringing the weather indoors.
Work soon began on an enormous translucent dome in Dublin's docklands area which would then host a perfect real-time display of Dublin's weather. Aimed primarily at tourists the venture is also likely to attract people who have too much money.
The dome was built in less than a week with a team of four labourers working around the clock (which stands in the middle of the dome telling the time) until it was time to go home.
Tourists will be invited to seat themselves in a state of the art 'Weather Chair' which will recline them at exactly the right angle to look up. A free breakfast roll is also included in the ticket price.
Billed as being better than the real thing, the fifteen minute show is accompanied by a soundtrack of traditional Irish ballads which are played through speakers imbedded in the hi-tech 'Weather Chair'.
Prices are expected to vary from reasonable to very expensive, with rainy days costing the most as they are more authentic. Asked if getting wet wouldn't put people off, the weather dome's managers said: "we will advertise it on telly."
Another coup for the weather dome is the securing of an old Olympian goddess to open it. None other than Nike, the Goddess of victory herself, who has been inspired to appear by the huge number of followers she has so many hundreds of years after her fellow Olympians have fallen by the wayside.
Nike is expected to be wearing an elegant head-to-toe tracksuit and bubble-moulded runners when she makes her appearance on Earth next week to officially open the dome. Weathering Heights may or may not be there, depending on the weather.