This Cruel Australian Shore
While all you kiwi kiwis wail and gnash your teeth following the All Black's tragic loss against France last weekend, spare a thought for the thousands of kiwi refugees over here suffering on this cruel Australian shore.
We are daily on the receiving end of cruel anti kiwi jokes.
So it is always sweet to point out kiwi superiority.
Like the America's Cup - "our yacht's don't sink".
Or when we go to the "Blue Mountains", we say, "and so where are the mountains?"
Or "our apples are so much better than Australian ones, that's why NZ ones are banned here".
Things were already grim on the rugby front with the loss at the new Olympic stadium during the winter.
Afterward, drunken Aussies wandered down my street yelling "we beat the kiwis, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah".
And then there was last weekend.
Now, talk about kicking the person on the ground.
Here's a sample of some of the abuse we Aussie based kiwis are subject to (from today's Sydney Morning Herald).
Q. What is the
main function of the All Black Coach?
A. To carry the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why doesn't the All
Black backline need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they can never catch anything.
Q. What's the most
proficient form of footwork displayed by the All Black
A. The walk back to the dressing room.
And the most abusive one is:
Q. Why will the NZ postal service
have to recall a series of stamps depicting All Black
A. Because the public doesn't know which side to spit on.
It's just as well us expat kiwis here
in Oz are a bloody tough lot.
But we are certainly hoping the All Blacks can do a "get up" after their weekend "knockdown".
Then at least we can hold our own against the numerous South Africans around the place (including two in my office).
Simon Orme made narrow escapes from both the New Zealand Treasury and Ministry of Foreign Affairs and now lives in Sydney, working as a strategic consultant.