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Is Cullen A Clone? And What About Helen?

By Occasional Scoop Contributor Sideline Sally

Having been out of the country for a while Sally has romped back to catch the dying days of the century. Believe me, compared to some other parts of the world, NZ is pretty groovy. In fact I would go as far to say, that apart from a terminal attraction to negativity, New Zealand is a grand place to be.

By what of this election with girl-power strutting its stuff? What of the new ideas, energy, flair, and feeling, which we girls naturally have. And what about the issues, you know the real ones. You know, the news that isn't about polls - the perception about the perception, the commentators on the commentators.

Well honey, its hard to find. The cupboard is pretty bare. But Sally has more faith in New Zealanders than my comrades in the media have. Why don't they examine a really interesting issue, like .....Is Micheal Cullen a clone?

What is that you say? Is Sally actually a member of the Greens and currently under the influence of "education in the dangers of hooch." You just never know.

But is Micheal Cullen a clone? And what about Helen? Her as well?

Having read all their utterances recently from afar I can confirm that, yes from the lines that come out of their mouths on TV and from speeches, Cullen and Clarke are indeed attempting to be clones. They are both clamouring over themselves. Hardly an original thought between them. This is called the CCC effect ( Cullen Clark Clone). Polsters will be writing it into their surveys tomorrow to check if it has had an impact on the perceptions of the perceptions of the commentators on the commentators.

But a clone of who you ask? Sally has been doing some research. Not in depth, just from the file that was built up over the last few months. So who? Who is it that Helen dearest and little Michael study his every word to use as their own. Who is it that they take their lines from. Is it Pistol Pete Hodgson? No not there.

Is it Winston? No not there? That would be a big ask for anyone - although little Michael is understood to be reconsidering not having a "Treasurer" if Labour get the big tick on Saturday. Apparently he doesn't want to be "only a Minister" if he has to visit the Australians. They've got "a Treasurer", and Michael wont be one. That's not fair.

Slim Jim thinks he's has got the Deputy's spot all sown up, except for "Fitzyspice" if she gets the green light in the Coromandel. She is apparently sick of being a "co " leader and wants a spot all to herself rather than having to share with "the Rod" all the time.

So Michael is a little upset Sally understands. Never mind. Just blame it on those "lying tories". They must have deliberately set it up so that you can never be The Treasurer. Even Winston's risen to be The Treasurer. You lose on this one dearest.

And so who is the model for the CCC effect? Well girls it is obvious if you just go back through those speech files, like I had to. Sally has picked up a clear trend, which hasn't been covered by other media. Quite a scoop really!

Rather than just provide the answer, what about a "Cullen Clone Competition". Just email in who you think Clark and Cullen have been cloning themselves on. The prize for winning will not only be the satisfaction that you know something that the rest of the media don't, but a free Labour Party red lipstick.

Email your answers now to editor@scoop.co.nz!

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