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On The Right - Going Potty With Nandor

By Mike Heine

Orientation week is always a time for Student Associations to brainwash all the new students, scientifically known as 'freshers', into believing that their (mostly) compulsory reps are indeed fighting the good fight against the evil capitalist oppressors that are National and ACT. Some of them are so crazy they will try to make you believe that the Alliance and Greens are also part of the big business conspiracy. Well this year was no exception, because we had the pleasure of seeing Nandor Tanczos in the flesh.

Yep, the MP with more hair than Rapunzel paid us a visit, and got a disturbingly good response from the crowd. You have to wonder why, considering that what he was saying was, in the best tradition of the Green Party, rather terrifying. His comments on crime and drugs in particular were scary. For example, Nandor had studied the crime problem intently, mainly through his time destroying possible GE crops, and came to the conclusion that the offender should "feel that justice has been done."

Um, since when has the offender's view of justice been relevant? For crying out loud, the person broke the law! That person is facing a long time in the slammer, and they are being asked for their opinion on what their punishment should be??? What do you think they're going to say? Most likely it would go like this, if Nandor had his way...

JUDGE: I find you guilty of the murder of (insert the name of your least favourite person here) and sentence you to life imprisonment... um, if that's okay with you?

CRIM: Actually, I was planning to go to the pub this afternoon, and my mates would be rather annoyed if I didn't make it.

JUDGE: Well, if you think you've learnt your lesson, I guess I could let you go a little early. Now let's all hail our master and creator... (takes a huge puff of a joint and falls off his chair, laughing uncontrollably)

Okay, maybe not that bad (at risk of defamation!), but my point is fairly obvious and extremely valid. If someone comes along and says that the offenders should find any outcome to be fair, then it is apparent that criminals will get some say as to what punishment will be handed out. Which is great if you happen to be in some kind of gang. Who can then gently persuade the victim that maybe it would be beneficial if the offender got a somewhat nicer sentence. Like no sentence at all.

As for the Greens drug policy, Nandor is obviously pro-pot, due to it's religious benefits, but what about other drugs? Well, Nandor said that a panel of experts could look at each drug in time and assess it's danger to society. Goodie. As if we didn't learn our lesson from tobacco. It's easy to take one small step, but before you know it you've taken fifty. Just make sure that these 'experts' don't have Colombian surnames.

These comments seemingly went past everyone without any scrutiny whatsoever. Why is this? Maybe people were trying to figure out if they could get high by burning his suit? Or is it because he makes Winston Peters look like the Elephant Man? Another option is that his words were taken in by the masses and they think they're good ideas. I hope not. Otherwise, it will be safer to take my holidays through Chechya via Amsterdam from now on.
Feedback to heimi369@student.otago.ac.nz


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