Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 

Corrective Party: Stop Austrian Cow Detonations!!!

Sister Hydroponica, the Agro-Nun for the Corrective Party, today condemned the Austrian province of Vorarlberg for the practice of blowing up cows with explosives on its picture-postcard Alpine meadows.

"Stop it!!! Stop it!!! Just picture the production of wholesome nunsploitation fare like "The Grind of Music" ruined by unruly Austrians in this small, mountainous province nestling between Liechtenstein, Switzerland and Germany."

"One is reassured that non-bovine lives are not in any danger, but surely authorities were worried tourists might be put off by exploding cows and possible contamination of ground water."

Sister Hydroponica brandished statistics that showed that about 20 head of cattle die on Vorarlberg's Alpine pastures each year - either struck by lightning or falling down precipices:

"But is that any reason to imitate the divine principle and detonate cows on ones own?" inquired the resolute Green Nun.

Because of the rugged terrain, helicopters usually have to be called in to remove the remains. Given that hiring a helicopter costs about 15,000 schillings a trip, some farmers have opted to blow up the hapless bovines with the help of demolition experts, who place explosives inside the bovine anatomy.

The state of Vorarlberg takes on up to 80% of the transport costs, but locals are intent on televising the bizarre practice, state television ORF had said to the Sisters of St.Leopold Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian Order of SM Nuns who sing at people.

"I will put a stop to these blasts. I never even knew they were taking place, but these rustic practices of dairy detonation must be stamped out, otherwise they may catch on over here!!!" concluded Sister Hydroponica.

Contact:
Sister Raptophilia
Matrix Dominatrix
06 3583609
sadistasm@yahoo.co.nz




© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Taxing Capital Gains: Tax Working Group Delivers Final Report

Group Chair Sir Michael Cullen says our system has many strengths but there is a clear weakness caused by our inconsistent treatment of capital gains.

“New Zealanders earning just salary and wages are taxed on their full income but we have several situations where you can earn income from gains on assets and not be taxed at all.

“All members of the Group agree that more income from capital gains should be taxed from the sale of residential rental properties. The majority of us on the Group, by a margin of 8-3, support going further and broadening that approach to include all land and buildings, business assets, intangible property and shares.” More>>

 

89 Cents An Hour: Govt Plans Fix For Minimum Wage For People With Disabilities

IHC is delighted that the Government is looking into replacing the Minimum Wage Exemption (MWE) with a wage supplement to ensure people with disabilities are paid at least the minimum wage. More>>

ALSO:

Auckland Action Against Poverty: Motels Profit From Housing Crisis

A single motel which charges up to $1,500 per week per room has received over $3 million worth of Government funds to provide emergency assistance, despite never having a Code Compliance Certificate – an offence under the Building Act – and receiving a series of longstanding complaints from occupants... More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell: On The Alleged China Relations Crisis

If New Zealand’s relations with China are ‘deteriorating’ then you still need a microscope to detect the signs... More>>

ALSO:

Environment: Government To End Tenure Review

“Tenure review has resulted in parcels of land being added to the conservation estate, but it has also resulted in more intensive farming and subdivision on the 353,000 ha of land which has been freeholded. This contributed to major landscape change and loss of habitat for native plants and animals,” said Eugenie Sage. More>>

ALSO:

Bell Tolls: Big Changes, Grand Mergers Planned For Vocational Training

“At a time when we’re facing critical skill shortages, too many of our polytechnics and institutes of technology are going broke... More>>

ALSO:

Sallies' State Of The Nation: Progress Stalled In Reducing Inequality

The report shows a lack of tangible progress in key areas including record levels of household debt and a growing gap in educational achievement between poorer and more well off communities. More>>

ALSO:

Party Politics In Tax Morale Survey: SSC To Seek Answers From IRD

Minister of State Services Chris Hipkins has today asked the State Services Commissioner Peter Hughes to examine IRD’s reported inappropriate use of a public survey. More>>

ALSO:

 
 
 
 
 

LATEST HEADLINES

  • PARLIAMENT
  • POLITICS
  • REGIONAL
 
 

InfoPages News Channels