Corrective Party: Stop Austrian Cow Detonations!!!
Sister Hydroponica, the Agro-Nun for the Corrective Party, today condemned the Austrian province of Vorarlberg for the practice of blowing up cows with explosives on its picture-postcard Alpine meadows.
"Stop it!!! Stop it!!! Just picture the production of wholesome nunsploitation fare like "The Grind of Music" ruined by unruly Austrians in this small, mountainous province nestling between Liechtenstein, Switzerland and Germany."
"One is reassured that non-bovine lives are not in any danger, but surely authorities were worried tourists might be put off by exploding cows and possible contamination of ground water."
Sister Hydroponica brandished statistics that showed that about 20 head of cattle die on Vorarlberg's Alpine pastures each year - either struck by lightning or falling down precipices:
"But is that any reason to imitate the divine principle and detonate cows on ones own?" inquired the resolute Green Nun.
Because of the rugged terrain, helicopters usually have to be called in to remove the remains. Given that hiring a helicopter costs about 15,000 schillings a trip, some farmers have opted to blow up the hapless bovines with the help of demolition experts, who place explosives inside the bovine anatomy.
The state of Vorarlberg takes on up to 80% of the transport costs, but locals are intent on televising the bizarre practice, state television ORF had said to the Sisters of St.Leopold Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian Order of SM Nuns who sing at people.
"I will put a stop to these blasts. I never even knew they were taking place, but these rustic practices of dairy detonation must be stamped out, otherwise they may catch on over here!!!" concluded Sister Hydroponica.