Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 

The New Write 20/8/01

THE NEW WRITE

Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals
20th August 2001

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."

-P. J. O'Rourke

1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE
2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE
3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY
4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING
5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK


1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE

The Young Nationals proved in Wellington last week they are not just superior on the ideological battlefield, but on the actual battlefield as well.

Last Friday saw the annual "Battle of Hunter Lawn" between the Right and Left at Victoria University. However a well-armed and trained Team Force Tory, lead by Lt Col Phil Rennie, found that the Left had failed to even organise a team. Whether this was a result of cowardice, or just plain incompetence, is unclear.

The gang of angry Tories, armed with water bombs and 200 eggs, then proceeded to occupy the Student Union Office in protest. When their demands were not met they showed mercy and released their socialist hostages peacefully.

But the battle did not end there – oh no. The brave Tories were then attacked by geeks from KAOS, the water-pistol club. However the foolish foes were soon overwhelmed by the sheer firepower of the ferocious Tories.

There were many heroes of the day – Lt Ferguson proved she is not just a pretty face, while Mark "The Hit Man" Chang and Brendon "Mad Dog" Pallesen provided aggression and courage, (if not accuracy and subtlety).

Better Dead Than Red!!!


2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE

Broadcasting Minister Marian Hobbs has made a statement denying that a Youth Radio Network is proceeding, and says that the government is "still considering all options for youth radio."

This is despite the fact that Hobbs has been the Broadcasting Minister for nearly two years, and before that Labour had nine years in opposition to develop it’s policy.

"No decisions have been taken," Marian Hobbs said. "We are aware there are strong views on the various options being considered for meeting the radio needs of young people. This was obvious at the Youth Radio Forum we ran last year."

In another development, a childrens radio network called 'KidsNet' has been proposed. It is being spearheaded by a group of representatives from a variety of sectors, and includes Youthtown president Maurice Chatfield, entertainer Peter Urlich, TVNZ board member Vivien Bridgwater, 'What Now' actor, author and radio announcer Steve Joll, among others.

"While it's admirable that the government wishes to address social issues through radio and acknowledges the urgency of the youth suicide problem, what is proposed here is 'ambulances at the bottom of the cliff' material," says Andrew Dubber, KidsNet spokesman and lecturer in Communication Studies at AUT. "A feeling of belonging in a culture and a societal connection is not something that can be applied as a remedial measure at the point of crisis - it's something you need to grow up with."

"The radio industry in New Zealand is not remotely interested in children, and it's exactly where a state-financed station can do the most good. The coalition can have their promised radio network without stepping on industry toes and provide more long-term benefit than they ever could have with a teen-focused station," says Dubber. "It's an elegant solution."


3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY

Steve Maharey's $35 million bribe to universities is at the expense of private education providers, says ACT MP Dr Muriel Newman.

"In response to my written Parliamentary question [number 10848] the Minister has today conceded all the money for his new so-called Tertiary Education Strategic Change Fund was made available by his recently announced funding moratorium for private training establishments.

"The Minister dug a big hole for himself with his 'no fee increase' demand to tertiary institutions. His way of clambering out has been to clobber the private educators with the moratorium and then pay off the public educators with this new phoney fund.

"The big losers in all this are the private education providers and 30,000 private students who stand to be punished for no other reason that they exercised their right to choose where they obtained their education.

"This is the worst kind of Government meddling and shows that the Government's new Tertiary Education Commission may well be little more than a front for Ministerial dictatorship.

"Mr Maharey is clearly signalling that this Government is ideologically opposed to the private provision of tertiary education, yet the trend in most OECD countries is towards choice and diversity in education, with the focus on excellence being a driving force. This Government is clearly heading in exactly the opposite direction."


4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING

1. Anything that keeps Green MPs at protests and out of Parliament's
debating chamber can't be all bad.

2. To create a new breed of super-human ministers who won't fail
breath tests after a "quiet drink while working late at the office".

3. To clone Marion Hobbs to fill all the spare ministerial houses.

4. To discover the missing links: the common ancestors of Sue and Max
Bradford, John and Chris Carter, Linda and Helen Clark.

5. Make it genetically impossible for MPs to have a "Sue Bradford
Afro" or a "David Cunliffe Bowl Cut".

6. Human cloning: more people = more taxes!

7. To ensure Parekura Horomia gets enough potatoes to eat.

8. Genetically engineer MPs to give them pockets of their own to dip
into from time to time.

9. So Jim Anderton can be crossed with a rectangular piece of rubber
to create world's first human door mat.

10. So Helen Clark can have offspring.

Courtesy of St-Molesworth@yahoo.com


5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

www.thespark.com

An American website that has heaps of personality tests to discover the true ‘you’. They include, among many others, the bastard test, the bitch test, the money quizz, the ass rating, and the latest addition – the gay test.

Apparently I am 37% gay, just below the average of 39% for heterosexual males.

Hours of fun!

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome.

Email newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie


© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

New Reports: Flood Risk From Rain And Sea Under Climate Change

One report looks at what would happen when rivers are flooded by heavy rain and storms, while the other examines flooding exposure in coastal and harbour areas and how that might change with sea-level rise.

Their findings show that across the country almost 700,000 people and 411,516 buildings worth $135 billion are presently exposed to river flooding in the event of extreme weather events...

There is near certainty that the sea will rise 20-30 cm by 2040. By the end of the century, depending on whether global greenhouse gas emissions are reduced, it could rise by between 0.5 to 1.1 m, which could add an additional 116,000 people exposed to extreme coastal storm flooding. More>>

ALSO:

 
 

Gordon Campbell: On The Commerce Commission Fuel Report

The interim Commerce Commission report on the fuel industry will do nothing to endear the major oil companies to the New Zealand public... More>>

ALSO:

Emergency Govt Bill: Overriding Local Licensing For The Rugby

“It’s pretty clear some clubs are having difficulty persuading their district licensing committees to grant a special licence to extend their hours for this obviously special event, and so it makes sense for Parliament to allow clubs to meet a community desire." More>>

ALSO:

Leaving Contract Early: KiwiBuild Programme Losing Another Top Boss

Ms O'Sullivan began a six-month contract as head of KiwiBuild Commercial in February, but the Housing Ministry has confirmed she has resigned and will depart a month early to take up a new job. More>>

ALSO:

Proposed National Policy Statement: Helping Our Cities Grow Up And Out

“We need a new approach to planning that allows our cities to grow up, especially in city centres and around transport connections. We also have to allow cities to expand in a way that protects our special heritage areas, the natural environment and highly productive land." More>>

ALSO:

Ombudsman's Report: Ngāpuhi Elder 'Shocked' By Conditions At Ngawha Prison

A prominent Ngāpuhi elder is shocked to find inmates at Ngawha Prison are denied water and forced to relieve themselves in the exercise yard... Chief Ombudsman Peter Boshier has released a report highly critical of conditions at the Northland prison. More>>

ALSO:

Promises: Independent Election Policy Costing Unit A Step Closer

The creation of an entity to provide political parties with independent and non-partisan policy costings is a step closer today, according to Finance Minister Grant Robertson and Associate Finance Minister James Shaw. More>>

ALSO:

School's In: Primary And Intermediate Principals Accept New Offer

Primary and intermediate school principals have voted to accept a new settlement from the Ministry of Education, which includes entrenched pay parity with secondary principals. More>>

ALSO:

IPCA On 'Rawshark' Investigation: Multiple Police Failings In Hager Searches Confirmed

The Independent Police Conduct Authority has found that the Police's unlawful search of Nicky Hager's property in October 2014 resulted from an unwitting neglect of duty and did not amount to misconduct by any individual officer... More>>

ALSO:

Broadcasting Standards: Decisions On Coverage Of Mosque Attacks

The Authority upheld one of these complaints, finding that the use of extensive excerpts from the alleged attacker’s livestream video on Sky News New Zealand had the potential to cause significant distress to audiences in New Zealand, and particularly to the family and friends of victims, and the wider Muslim community. More>>

 
 
 
 
 

LATEST HEADLINES

  • PARLIAMENT
  • POLITICS
  • REGIONAL
 
 

InfoPages News Channels