Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 

The New Write 20/8/01

THE NEW WRITE

Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals
20th August 2001

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."

-P. J. O'Rourke

1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE
2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE
3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY
4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING
5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK


1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE

The Young Nationals proved in Wellington last week they are not just superior on the ideological battlefield, but on the actual battlefield as well.

Last Friday saw the annual "Battle of Hunter Lawn" between the Right and Left at Victoria University. However a well-armed and trained Team Force Tory, lead by Lt Col Phil Rennie, found that the Left had failed to even organise a team. Whether this was a result of cowardice, or just plain incompetence, is unclear.

The gang of angry Tories, armed with water bombs and 200 eggs, then proceeded to occupy the Student Union Office in protest. When their demands were not met they showed mercy and released their socialist hostages peacefully.

But the battle did not end there – oh no. The brave Tories were then attacked by geeks from KAOS, the water-pistol club. However the foolish foes were soon overwhelmed by the sheer firepower of the ferocious Tories.

There were many heroes of the day – Lt Ferguson proved she is not just a pretty face, while Mark "The Hit Man" Chang and Brendon "Mad Dog" Pallesen provided aggression and courage, (if not accuracy and subtlety).

Better Dead Than Red!!!


2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE

Broadcasting Minister Marian Hobbs has made a statement denying that a Youth Radio Network is proceeding, and says that the government is "still considering all options for youth radio."

This is despite the fact that Hobbs has been the Broadcasting Minister for nearly two years, and before that Labour had nine years in opposition to develop it’s policy.

"No decisions have been taken," Marian Hobbs said. "We are aware there are strong views on the various options being considered for meeting the radio needs of young people. This was obvious at the Youth Radio Forum we ran last year."

In another development, a childrens radio network called 'KidsNet' has been proposed. It is being spearheaded by a group of representatives from a variety of sectors, and includes Youthtown president Maurice Chatfield, entertainer Peter Urlich, TVNZ board member Vivien Bridgwater, 'What Now' actor, author and radio announcer Steve Joll, among others.

"While it's admirable that the government wishes to address social issues through radio and acknowledges the urgency of the youth suicide problem, what is proposed here is 'ambulances at the bottom of the cliff' material," says Andrew Dubber, KidsNet spokesman and lecturer in Communication Studies at AUT. "A feeling of belonging in a culture and a societal connection is not something that can be applied as a remedial measure at the point of crisis - it's something you need to grow up with."

"The radio industry in New Zealand is not remotely interested in children, and it's exactly where a state-financed station can do the most good. The coalition can have their promised radio network without stepping on industry toes and provide more long-term benefit than they ever could have with a teen-focused station," says Dubber. "It's an elegant solution."


3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY

Steve Maharey's $35 million bribe to universities is at the expense of private education providers, says ACT MP Dr Muriel Newman.

"In response to my written Parliamentary question [number 10848] the Minister has today conceded all the money for his new so-called Tertiary Education Strategic Change Fund was made available by his recently announced funding moratorium for private training establishments.

"The Minister dug a big hole for himself with his 'no fee increase' demand to tertiary institutions. His way of clambering out has been to clobber the private educators with the moratorium and then pay off the public educators with this new phoney fund.

"The big losers in all this are the private education providers and 30,000 private students who stand to be punished for no other reason that they exercised their right to choose where they obtained their education.

"This is the worst kind of Government meddling and shows that the Government's new Tertiary Education Commission may well be little more than a front for Ministerial dictatorship.

"Mr Maharey is clearly signalling that this Government is ideologically opposed to the private provision of tertiary education, yet the trend in most OECD countries is towards choice and diversity in education, with the focus on excellence being a driving force. This Government is clearly heading in exactly the opposite direction."


4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING

1. Anything that keeps Green MPs at protests and out of Parliament's
debating chamber can't be all bad.

2. To create a new breed of super-human ministers who won't fail
breath tests after a "quiet drink while working late at the office".

3. To clone Marion Hobbs to fill all the spare ministerial houses.

4. To discover the missing links: the common ancestors of Sue and Max
Bradford, John and Chris Carter, Linda and Helen Clark.

5. Make it genetically impossible for MPs to have a "Sue Bradford
Afro" or a "David Cunliffe Bowl Cut".

6. Human cloning: more people = more taxes!

7. To ensure Parekura Horomia gets enough potatoes to eat.

8. Genetically engineer MPs to give them pockets of their own to dip
into from time to time.

9. So Jim Anderton can be crossed with a rectangular piece of rubber
to create world's first human door mat.

10. So Helen Clark can have offspring.

Courtesy of St-Molesworth@yahoo.com


5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

www.thespark.com

An American website that has heaps of personality tests to discover the true ‘you’. They include, among many others, the bastard test, the bitch test, the money quizz, the ass rating, and the latest addition – the gay test.

Apparently I am 37% gay, just below the average of 39% for heterosexual males.

Hours of fun!

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome.

Email newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie


© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Crowdsale And Crowdfunding Campaign: Help Create The Future Of Independent News

Two weeks to go! The Scoop 3.0 plan aims to create NZ’s first community-owned, distributed news and media intelligence ecosystem in 2019. We believe this ScoopPro media monetisation approach can be scaled and spread globally to support local and independent news efforts in regional New Zealand and around the world.

Scoop is an ecosystem, it would not exist without those who contribute to it, read it and rely on it for professional media purposes. Generous past support from this ecosystem has enabled us to come this far in developing our business model. Support our PledgeMe Campaign>>

 

14/11: Two Years’ Progress Since The Kaikoura Earthquake

Mayor John Leggett said it was a day for reflection, but also a time to recognise the work by many people to support progress towards recovery made across Marlborough since November 2016. More>>

ALSO:

Pike River: Mine Drift Re-Entry Plan To Proceed

“I’ve decided the Te Kāhui Whakamana Rua Tekau Mā Iwa - Pike River Recovery Agency, recommended course of action to enter the drift, using the existing access tunnel, is by far the safest option,” said Andrew Little. More>>

ALSO:

Appointments: New High Commissioner To Australia Announced

“Dame Annette King needs no introduction given her long running career as a parliamentarian where she has previously held a number senior Cabinet portfolios, including Justice, Police and Health. She also was Parliament’s longest serving female MP with 30 years’ service,” said Mr Peters. More>>

ALSO:

Two Years Since Kaikoura: Silvia Cartwright To Lead Inquiry Into EQC

“The inquiry will be the first of its kind under the Public Inquiries Act 2013 and will have all the powers of a Royal Commission, be independent of Government and make its report directly to the Governor-General. More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell: On The Royal Commission Into Child Abuse

Obviously, it is good news that the coalition government has broadened the scope of its Royal Commission into the abuse of children, beyond its previous focus on children in state care. More>>

ALSO:

Cases Delayed: Court Staff Refuse To Handle Sentencing Papers

Dozens of court cases have reportedly been delayed, as court staff escalate industrial action at two Auckland courts by enforcing a ban on handling sentencing papers. More>>

ALSO:

Education: Primary Teachers Rolling Strikes

RNZ Report: More than 100,000 primary school students in Auckland will be home from school today as teachers and principals walk off the job for the second time this year. It's the start of a week of rolling one-day strikes around the country, after the collapse of contract negotiations last Thursday. More>>

ALSO:

"Process Was Sound": Inquiry Into Haumaha Appointment Released

The Inquiry’s purpose was to examine, identify, and report on the adequacy of the process that led to the appointment. It found the process was sound and no available relevant information was omitted. More>>

ALSO:

 
 
 
 
 

LATEST HEADLINES

  • PARLIAMENT
  • POLITICS
  • REGIONAL
 
 

InfoPages News Channels