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The New Write! Newsletter of the Young Nationals


THE NEW WRITE

Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals

4th November 2002

“The Secretary of State is never too ugly to get a date.” -Henry Kissinger

1. TVNZ Bid Loss A Victory For Pointy Heads
2. Peters Slams Greens On Pot
3. Hot Goss From Parliament
4. Top Ten Ways To Annoy Your Co-Workers
5. Website Of The Week

1. TVNZ Bid Loss A Victory For Pointy Heads

The appointment of TV3 as the exclusive free-to-air broadcaster of all major rugby matches for the next three years provides "a clear indication of the sort of priorities we will see under the charter," says Acting National Party Broadcasting Spokesperson Murray McCully. "As well as requiring TVNZ programming to ‘contribute to a sense of citizenship and national identity’ the charter specifically directs that TVNZ should ‘reflect the role that sporting and other leisure interests play in New Zealand life’.

"The fact that TV3 has successfully concluded a three-year arrangement with Sky to broadcast rugby tests, Super 12, and NPC rugby suggests that TVNZ is unaware of the huge importance of these events to the vast majority of New Zealanders. Just how hard did TVNZ try to win free-to-air rights to these important events?

"Clearly, TVNZ sees the charter as requiring coverage of the sort of pointy-headed high-brow cultural events favoured by certain key members of the current Government rather than the mainstream sporting interests of the majority of New Zealanders," said Mr McCully.

2. PETERS SLAMS GREENS ON POT

New Zealand First is angry that the Greens are using taxpayers’ money to hire a cannabis law reform coordinator. Leader Rt Hon Winston Peters says it is a serious misuse of public money.

“Why should taxpayers’ money be spent promoting the use of an illegal drug? The Greens want immediate legislation to cover possession of cannabis for personal use and appear to also want taxpayers to fund their campaign.”

“New Zealanders are already paying the salary of a marijuana-promoting MP. Surely that is more than enough of an outlay on this nonsense,” he said.

3. HOT GOSS FROM PARLIAMENT

By New Zealand’s finest investigative journalist, Sneaky R. Wilson.

*Busted! Guess who were spotted tramping through the Marlborough Sounds together over Labour Weekend? Outgoing Radio NZ political editor Al Morrison and ACC Minister Ruth Dyson, accompanied by their respective spouses.

Well I’ll be damned. Who would have guessed that Al Morrison has such a close relationship with the Labour Party?

*Interesting though that the Department of Conservation’s new spin-doctor chose to stay in luxury hotel cabins, rather than the official DOC camping grounds! *Scoop censorship! One of last week’s Hot Goss items was too hot for the Scoop website, and was taken off the website – perhaps understandably though. One of the pitfalls of increased popularity means yours truly has to be a little more careful about what I say, because you never know who might be reading.

The moral of the story though is to subscribe, if you haven’t already – who knows what else you might be missing out on? Send an email to mailto: mailto:newwrite@national.org.nz if you’re not signed up.

*Not all the goss going around is reliable though – an excitable source recently told me he suspected ACT MP Rodney Hide was having an affair with his secretary. “They’re always hanging out together, they get on really well, and they’re quite physical!” he said.

None of which is surprising – Rodney Hide’s secretary happens to be his sister.

*Things are not well in Helengrad – Labour staffers are becoming slightly nervous at Helen’s increasingly dictatorial behaviour over the last few weeks. The latest examples include:

-Helen personally rung Foreign Affairs officials to stop the NZ Embassy in Beijing hosting Bill English during his trip to China.

-All foreign embassy staff have been banned from Helen’s Monday press conferences.

-Transcripts of these press conferences have also been suppressed. After two years of fighting the Ombudsman, Helen’s staff agreed to post them on the Beehive website. Helen was furious when she found out, and has ordered this practise to stop. As such, the only transcript still available is the first one – from September 9th.

-And Clark still refuses to debate Bill English head-to-head on TV or radio.

*Believe it or not, goody two-shoes MP Craig McNair is cutting loose! He has been spotted in several Wellington bars recently, accompanied by a young lady friend (a parliamentary secretary for the Labour Party). He even had a glass of wine in his hand!

I hate to put a damper on things though, but a source has suggested that the couple looked a little bit TOO contrived. So is McNair really a McStud, or is it a conspiracy of winebox proportions? Stay tuned to this channel!

*Many people (myself included) missed the letter McNair sent to the Sunday Star Times after the initial article on his lifestyle. The poor guy admits he was suckered by the journalists, and says that “Any chance of a love life I may have had seems to have disappeared very quickly since your article although, from phone calls received, abstinence seems to be a quality many woman admire, so perhaps all is not lost.”

Cheer up Craig, chicks don’t like a whinger!

*Speaking of romantic entanglements, another out-going journalist from the press gallery (not Al Morrison!) has very publicly re-started a relationship with a member of the PM’s media team.

*Labour MP David Cunliffe has earned a reputation as a tell-tale after narcing on MP Richard Worth on their trip to El Alamein recently. However, what goes around comes around, and the stories about what Mr Cunliffe got up to are flowing thick and fast.

It seems Mr Cunliffe overslept one morning and missed the official bus leaving the hotel. His roommate Richard Worth must have forgotten to wake him – whoops, what an accident. Anyway Cunliffe constantly rang the group leader, pleading with him to turn the bus around. Eventually he had to chase the bus in a taxi, but not before he got Heather Simpson, back in Wellington, to ring the bus as well!

*Mr Cunliffe was also dared by a group of journalists on the trip to dress up as an Arab and parade along the street, chanting saucy phrases in Arabic. Which he did, of course – anything to impress the journos! He was also dared to go ‘commando-style’ under his robes, which he also did, apparently – although no one was prepared to actually check for sure.

*United Future MP Murray Smith used to be a lawyer, and a fearsome one too, by the sound of this story. Before starting legal negotiations, he used to ask all parties to bow their heads and ask for God’s blessing before they commenced!

*In a previous life, the editor of this fine publication used to be a political science tutor at Victoria University. Despite concerns raised that he would brainwash naive students, it seems the opposite has happened. Two of his best students have converted to the dark side – one is now a senior official in the Green Party, and another has just been appointed NZUSA’s Womens Rights Officer. Oh, the shame!

*Thanks to Contact newspaper, I have found an interesting story about United Future that slipped past the mainstream media earlier this year.

In March this year The Rock church, headed by United Future’s Anthony Walton, helped organise a conference called “Breakthrough 2002”. $95,000 in donations were collected, even though donors were not told what the money was for. Thirteen activists tried to warn attendees about checking where the money was going, but they were evicted by security goons.

So where did the money go? It as given to Wellington TV station WTV, as a recognition of ‘common values’.

And this is where the interesting connections begin. The Board of Wellington TV, the Board of United Future and senior people in the churches are all strongly inter-connected. Needless to say, questions were raised, particularly given these facts:

-Conference attendees were told “We’ll decide in prayer who it [the $95,000] goes to.”

-Anthony Walton has hosted a TV show on WTV, which prominently features the Rock logo.

-United Future and the churches have all advertised or hosted shows regularly on WTV.

-Chairman of WTV is David Brown, who happens to be a former President of the Future NZ Party (now part of United) and a member of the Elim International church which helped organise the conference.

All very interesting stuff. So is this the big secret I have hinted at? Nope, but getting slightly warmer.

*Judith Tizard was given a hard time at an Auckland anti-privatisation meeting recently – in fact, she burst into tears after her own leftie supporters attacked her for supporting public-private partnerships.

*Just when you thought political correctness in New Zealand couldn’t get any worse, just when you thought we had reached the level of bureaucratic stupidity, comes this story.

The Department of Internal Affairs is cracking down on office sweepstakes on the Melbourne Cup. Yes that’s right, while hardened criminals roam the streets, it is now illegal to have a prize pool of more than $50, a first prize higher than $24, or to charge more than $2 to enter.

First Guy Fawkes, then smoking, now gambling – what will the Wellington PC-pussies ban next? Fun?

Ah well, at least its still legal to marry your cousin.

Isn’t it?

Till next week…my lips are sealed!

-Sneaky R. Wilson

PS If you can’t get enough of Hot Goss, check out my new website http://www.nocrap.org.nz/hot_goss_ind.htm where you can read archived Hot Gosses from 2002 and find out what New Zealand’s finest investigative journalist actually looks like.

4. TOP TEN WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR CO-WORKERS

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.

3. Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachie."

4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5. Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as often since you did this.

6. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

7. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

8. Put your trashcan on your desk. Label it "IN".

9. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

10. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

This is a weird and creepy website someone sent, about a 10 year old body-builder called “Little Hercules”. I reckon he is on steroids.

http://www.richardsandrak.com/

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome. Email mailto: mailto:newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie


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