THE NEW WRITE - 10th March 2003
Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals
10th March 2003
don’t stand up for what is right, you deserve what comes
-Henry Olonga, Zimbabwe cricketer
1. FREEDOM CAMPAIGN SEEKS
2. ABOLISH VEGETARIANS – LIBZ
3. ABOLISH WOMEN’S AFFAIRS – ACT
4. HOT GOSS FROM PARLIAMENT
5. FOR SALE
6. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
1. FREEDOM CAMPAIGN SEEKS VOLUNTEERS
From the International Young Democrat Union
It is my pleasure to invite you to join the IYDU Freedom Campaign. Several years ago, under the chairmanship of British MP Andrew Rosindell, IYDU embarked on a campaign to promote freedom and democracy in the countries of the world that are the greatest enemies of freedom.
Current IYDU Chairman, Shane Frith of New Zealand, is keen to see this campaign reinvigorated and for IYDU to put our intellectual and organizational muscle behind this campaign for freedom.
The Countries targeted by the Freedom Campaign are Belarus, Burma, China, Cuba, Iran, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Syria and Zimbabwe.
As an activist in the International Young Democratic Union, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you to participate in this campaign. We will be having online discussion groups for each of these countries and will collectively put forward ideas and solutions for how these countries can obtain freedom and the manner in which IYDU can assist. No matter how small or large that contribution may be.
This campaign will include electronic campaigning for freedom, political assistance to opposition groups in these countries, newsletters and even potential visits to these offenders of democracy and freedom.
Your participation in the IYDU Freedom Campaign is encouraged. If you are interested in participating please email me your phone number, native country, respective country campaign that interests you, email address and the respective political party which you belong to.
Patrick Brown, IYDU Executive
Freedom Campaign Chairman
2. ABOLISH VEGETARIANS – LIBZ
The latest Free Radical magazine has hit the newstands. New Zealand’s only true libertarian magazine celebrates "politics, life and economics as if freedom mattered." For copies head to http://www.freeradical.co.nz
Here is a sneak preview, with Lindsay Perigo’s tongue-in-cheek editorial.
"Vegetarians are sociopaths. Their fetid flatulence is more fatal than the most maniacal, marauding, mass-killing madman. Vegetarian farts have been known to stop squillions of skunks dead in their tracks, instantaneously and literally. Yet offending vegetarians, pasty of face and loose of bowel, continue to walk the streets, willfully offloading their "foul and pestilent congregation of vapours."
"A strong case could be made, actually, that the assassination of vegetarians would be an instance of retaliatory force, but I leave that argument for another day. What is incontrovertible at this point is that vegetarians are death worshippers, who should be impaled upon giant carrots or drowned in cabbage juice, thence to be dispatched to the lowest rung of hell that has been prepared for them by God, who is indisputably a carnivore (remember all those sacrificial lambs? He wasn’t much interested in offerings of burnt broccoli, was He?).
"Also consigned to that destination should be teetotallers. These cowardly creatures, mindful of ‘in vito veritas’, are afraid of making fools of themselves while under the influence of alcohol. All well and good, but they deprive the rest of us some healthy, life-affirming, unwholesome entertainment by their abstinence. This is damned inconsiderate, to say the least.
"To say more, their propensity to drink water as an alternative to alcohol is downright unseemly. What fish do in water is common knowledge, and recent research shows that 100% of people who have died have drunk water at some time in their lives.
"To this list, naturally, should be added academics, gum-chewers, people who mumble, rap artists, MBA graduates, most women, and anyone else I find irritating."
3. ABOLISH MINISTRY OF WOMENS AFFAIRS – ACT
ACT Women’s Affairs Spokesman Heather Roy has slammed the Government’s ‘Action Plan for Women’ and called for the disbandment of the Ministry of Women’s Affairs.
"The Minister of Women’s Affairs Ruth Dyson calls the draft "Action Plan for Women" one of the most "exciting" developments in her portfolio. In reality this document is the most politically correct, patronising drivel this Government has ever created.
"Women with large families are treated with patronising sympathy, mothers are told they need a "closer relationship" with the Government (rather than with the fathers of their children), and Maori women are told that their education is "incomplete" if they haven’t been totally prepared to "interact with te ao Maori".
"It takes sixteen pages for the word "man" to even appear in this document. It should be titled: "Feminism: The Great Screaming Lie That Women Can Do Everything.
"What this document says is that women should have equal representation with men in every male-dominated field. Why haven’t they called on men to increase their representation in the field of nursing?
"The Equal Pay Act 1972 was the only useful act the Ministry of Women’s Affairs has accomplished. This document shows why the best thing that could happen for women in New Zealand is for that Ministry to now disband," Mrs Roy said.
4. HOT GOSS FROM PARLIAMENT
By New Zealand’s finest investigative journalist, Sneaky R. Wilson
*Oh dear, morale at Radio NZ seems to have hit absolute rock bottom. An email has been sent to all staff members justifying the continual absences of Nine till Noon host Linda Clark, who has barely worked all year. Sean Plunkett is said to be rather unhappy, given that he so desperately wanted that job.
*Helen Clark’s speech to a Wimmins Union conference in Australia last week didn’t go without a hitch. "It’s good to be in Sydney again," she told the bemused Melbourne audience.
*Another week, another stupid waste of taxpayer money by Minister of Corporate Welfare Jim Anderton. While hospitals sink into deficit and student debt skyrockets, Jimbo has decided to hand out $1.5 million of your money to a struggling small company called EDS. Yes, the same EDS with a global revenue of US $22 billion and 137,000 employees around the world.
*And another bizarre waste of money, this time by TVNZ. After pleading poverty and securing $12 million off the Government to implement the Charter, TVNZ have scrapped the popular music show M2 and are now playing cheesy, expensive self-promoting ads. Is this what the Charter, and our tax dollars, were meant to produce?
*Warning: watch out for food at Parliament’s café Copperfields (affectionately known as ‘Slopperfields’ by staff) that features a blue sticker. This means it is at least a day old and you should negotiate a lower price. Privatise the bugger I say!
*Overheard in the Parliamentary lobby recently, two MPs discussing the vote on reform of prostitution law. "Are you worried about the prostitution bill?" asked one. "No," the other replied. "I paid mine last week."
*Trouble at Tainui, as debate rages over the controversial Endowed College. So far the College has cost $15 million but hasn’t hosted a single student. Some within Tainui want to use it as their administrative headquarters, but this plan is being strongly fought by Labour MP Nanaia Mahuta, whose group are occupying the Hopuhopu site.
*Here’s an interesting piece of speculation from a Labour Party source of mine: they are picking Pete Hodgson as the next Labour leader. For years the race was between Phil Goff and Trevor Mallard, but neither are realistic contenders any longer. Clark has undermined and knee-capped Goff’s right-wing support base (Although Dover Samuels and John Tamihere refuse to go down without a fight), while Mallard is tainted by the disastrous teachers strikes and his "Heineken" diplomacy over the Rugby World Cup.
*More staffing problems for Labour – apparently Helen Clark’s right-hand-woman Heather Simpson is trying to stop Labour staff from joining a collective contract, one that could possibly cover staff from all different parties. It reeks a bit of hypocrisy given that Labour’s employment legislation directly encourages collective bargaining. Then again, it’s always been ‘do as I say, not as I do’ in Helengrad!
*Here’s an embarrassing story Heather Simpson doesn’t like to be reminded of, but not many people know – in 1993 she stood for Labour in the Heretaunga seat, and was confident of taking it out. Somehow though she managed to lose to National MP Peter McCardle, who now works as the Director of Research for the ACT Party.
*Last edition I hassled Steve Maharey for trying to pretend he’s hip and cool; since then he’s proved me right with an embarrassing blunder. A staff member wrote "Jennifer Lopez" as the official contact person in one of his Ministerial letters, as a joke. Poor Stevie hasn’t heard of J-Lo, didn’t get the joke, so promptly signed the letter and sent it out. Whoops.
*Meanwhile a certain MP is soon to be in a bit of trouble with the IRD, after deciding they couldn’t be bothered paying tax on one of their trusts. Look out for a big bill soon!
*Anti-war protesters have accused the US of being motivated by oil, but the same charge can be applied to the peacenik pussy European countries. Guess who currently have the biggest oil contracts with Iraq? Russia, France and Germany, in that order. Surprise, surprise.
*And a great line from Richard Butler, former head of the UN weapons inspection team in Iraq. He says France are absolutely aware of Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction – "They know it because they’ve got the receipts," he says.
*Drama at United Future: Chief of Staff Mark Stonyer resigned suddenly on Monday, with no advance warning to the media or explanation of where he’s going. Staff from United are pleading ignorance, but everyone agrees that something smells fishy. Peter Dunne’s right-hand-man is bound by a confidentiality clause, but the big guy won’t stay quiet forever. Look out for some fireworks.
*Government lap dogs Chen and Palmer have been forced into a grovelling apology to the Government in their weekly update on politics. They try and argue that Helen Clark never actually set the goal of reaching the top half of the OECD within ten years, despite Helen Clark explicitly saying so herself in several documents.
Chen and Palmer claim, euphemistically, that "While the element of the idea had been presented in a number of forewords that went out under the PM’s signature, it had never been adopted as a goal."
Really? Why don’t you ask Jim Anderton, who said in June last year "This government has set itself an ambitious target. It wants to see New Zealand once more in the top half of the OECD league table of average real incomes by 2011."
*Another busy week for Judith Tizard, Minister of Chardonnay – here is what she got up to last week:
-Monday: Ponsonby Road Promotions launch, Giltrap
-Tuesday: Open artists area of the Christchurch Arts Centre
-Thursday: Attend opening night of "Boris Godunov" opera in Wellington
"She’s a Minister who would attend the opening of an oyster, if she could," says Katherine Rich.
*A certain young ACT press secretary (who happens to be gay) emailed that bastion of Charter Television, Queer Nation, earlier this week to point out - ever so politely - that their "all about gay parliamentary secretaries" segment happened to only feature people from... the Labour camp (excuse the pun). Our ACT man suggested very, very gently that it could have been slightly less partisan if the good folk from QN had made even a token attempt to contact other political parties. The irony - an ACT Spin Doctor telling a PC show like Queer Nation how to be inclusive and, well, fair.
*Who says Te Puni Kokiri aren’t accountable? A National staff member received an Official Information Act release on the 28th of February this year, after he lodged the request on the 27th of February. 27th February 2002, that is.
*It seems a certain MP has been using the latest technological aids to improve his appearance. In a newsletter to his electorate, this MP asked his staff to alter the photo to make him taller, as well as adding hair. The staff deliberately did a shonky job as a joke, but as it turns out the MP loved the picture and thousands of copies have been sent out.
*Here’s a disturbing story that seemed to slip past the media recently. A Rotorua man had his 9 month prison sentence extended to three years on appeal. Only problem is, somebody from the Court forgot to tell the Prison service this, and they released him after 5 months. They only realised the mistake when the man severely beat his wife (again). Whoops.
*Finally, it’s been a while, but here’s a bit on United Future. Finance spokesman Gordon Copeland once justified the lack of building insurance for historic churches under his care by claiming that the Virgin Mary was protecting them.
"And it has worked. I think we are having a bit of influence – there’s been quite a few earthquakes in Wellington since 1855 and nobody’s been killed, it’s quite remarkable," he said a few years ago.
Till next week…My lips are sealed!
-Sneaky R Wilson
5. FOR SALE
Black Boat, not very fast, only used five times. Bilge holds six tons. No WOF or warranty. Can be viewed at West haven Tip along with New Zealand’s hopes and dreams.
6. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
The personal website of the US’s number one talk-show host, the controversial Michael Savage. His latest topic? "Time to arrest the leaders of the anti-war movement."
Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.
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Editor: Grant Tyrrell