Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 


Violent Kids

Press Release – Violent Kids

(Comment related to the scissor attack in South Auckland)


John Cowan from The Parenting Place


Another jolting story in the news this week: a child left critically ill after an attack by another child with scissors. Fortunately, stabbing by students is rare but rage is not. The coaches at The Parenting Place increasingly see parents struggling with children who cannot handle their anger. Without making any assumptions about this most recent incident, I’d like to comment about what is behind the type of rage that leads to violence.

It is normal for young children to express their anger actively and unpleasantly, but is also normal for them to get better and better at handling it. As parents, as well as nudging them towards better ways of expressing their anger there are things we can do that we might not even think of as ‘anger management’. One is, disappoint your kids. Say ‘No’ to them. Make them wait for things. Require them to sit still. Don’t give them everything they want. Honestly, giving a child everything they want, when they want it, is setting your child up for a lot of anger later in life. In the real world they will encounter frustrations and they need to know how to handle that. My guess is that many parents feel guilty because of their busyness and lack of involvement and so seek to compensate with indulgence and removing any disappointment from their kids’ lives. Believe this: an indulged child is as miserable as a deprived child, and probably an angrier one as well. It is more loving to give them limits.

When parents play-fight with kids it probably helps them handle their anger, even though it may seem counter-intuitive. Rough-housing is great fun – a very natural bonding activity – but it also helps to ‘train the aggro’ out of kids. When you play fight, occasionally a finger will be bent too far or someone will fall off a bed and get hurt, and their anger will flair. But you are right there coaching them: “Hey, I see that hurt, but don’t hit. Give it a shake until it stops hurting and then we’ll have Round Two, okay?” You need to take this advice with a bit of mature wisdom – we are talking reasonably gentle horseplay. I think the testosterone-laced nature of Dads catches onto this more readily, though, of course, plenty of Mums play-fight as well.

What kids see, kids do. Witnessing violence between parents or subjecting children to violence hugely increases the risk of a child becoming violent as well. Some kids soak in a family culture where problems are sorted with yelling and aggression – kids seldom rise higher than their parents. In some studies, media violence is linked to childhood violence, particularly in kids who are already struggling with impulse control. It makes sense to monitor their TV and gaming diet.

Your kids need to know that they can always control their anger; that even though they feel red-rage burning in their blood, they can always control their fists. And that they will be held accountable for their actions. Get onto this when they are little: the hormones are coming, ready or not. It is so much better to help your kids get a grip on anger before adolescence, when every emotion is amplified. Bigger anger plus bigger bodies can turn playground scraps into life threatening violence.

Ends

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Gordon Campbell: On Labour’s
Very Bad Year

While Labour leader David Cunliffe still appears to be in denial about the extent of Saturday night’s debacle, there was hardly a single redeeming feature about the election results for the centre-left. Even the victory by Labour’s Stuart Nash in Napier was the outcome of a strong showing by Conservative Party candidate Garth McVicar that split the centre-right vote... More>>

Election: National Win

With all votes counted National and John Key have won a third term and are close to being able to govern alone if they so choose.

Key has indicated he will still reach out to form a Government with ACT, United Future and Maori Party.

National ended the night on 48 percent, Labour 24.6 and the Greens 10. More>>

Overall Results | Live Results | Predictions |

ALSO:

.

 
 


Perfectly-Timed Anniversaries: Suffrage Day Is Last Chance To Enrol

“The last chance to enrol is Friday 19 September. You can’t enrol on election day.” More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell: On First Time Voting (Greens)

For the last two days, I’ve turned my column over to a couple of guest columnists who are first time voters… Today’s guest columnist is Ana Avia-O’Connor, who will be casting her first time vote on Saturday for the Greens. More>>

ALSO:

Meddling: Aussie Liberals Embroiled In Key Campaign

John Key needs to explain why Australia’s Liberal Party is interfering in New Zealand domestic politics and is encouraging Kiwi voters across the ditch to vote for National just days out from the election, Labour’s campaign spokesperson Annette King says. More>>

ALSO:

SURVEILLANCE:

Election Ad Soundtrack: Rapper Eminem Sues National Party Over Copyright Breach

US rapper Eminem is suing the New Zealand National Party for alleged copyright infringement over unauthorised use of the rapper’s ‘Lose Yourself’ song in an election campaign advertisement. More>>

ALSO:

Big March: Call For An End To Domestic Violence

Hundreds of protesters marched down Lambton Quay to Parliament Monday calling for an end to domestic violence. Wearing white facemasks, waving banners and calling for “safety” for the women and children of New Zealand.. More>>

ALSO:

Pre-Election Chartering: Four New Partnership Schools To Open

Education Minister Hekia Parata today announced the Government has signed contracts to open four new Partnership Schools in 2015. More>>

ALSO:

Werewolf 50 Out Now - The Election Issue: Loss Leaders

Gordon Campbell: A third term requires a mature decision, with eyes wide open. It calls for a conscious vote of confidence… Without trying hard here are about 19 reasons, in no particular order, for not ticking ‘party vote’ National. More>>

ALSO:

Not-Especially New Plans: All Prisons To Become Working Prisons Under National

All public prisons in New Zealand will become full working prisons by 2017, and ex-prisoners will receive post-release drug addiction treatment if National is returned to government, says Corrections Spokesperson Anne Tolley. More>>

ALSO:

Māngere: "False Claim Of Matai Title" - Labour

National must explain why its candidate for Māngere Misa Fia Turner appears to be using a Matai title she is not entitled to, Labour’s MP for Māngere and Pacific Islands Affairs spokesperson Su’a William Sio says. A Matai title is a legally-recognised ... More>>

ALSO:

CPAG Report: No New Zealand Child Should Grow Up In Poverty

Child Poverty Action Group's flagship policy publication Our Children, Our Choice: Priorities for Policy calls for cross party political agreement to underpin an action plan to eliminate child poverty in New Zealand. More>>

ALSO:

Get More From Scoop

 

LATEST HEADLINES

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Politics
Search Scoop  
 
 
Powered by Vodafone
NZ independent news