Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 


A Call To Arms

[via Facebook]
ATTENTION FANS AND CONSTITUENTS: THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS (AND PEOPLE):

Good morning, nation. Over the last week, the Civilian Party has been hard at work putting together our final application for registration with the New Zealand Electoral Commission, a process that will allow us to contest the party vote nationally, and restore this country to its former sort-of-alrightness.

This has been a strenuous task, one that involved countless hours of sleep, and even more staring at the television while groaning and occasionally punching a few numbers into a spreadsheet. Indeed, after being pushed to such limits, we are now more than certain we are prepared for the colossal workload that will be entrusted to us as the future Government of this realm.

The bulk of our task these last couple of weeks has consisted of tallying and vetting every one of the hundreds of membership forms that we received from around the country. It is my wish that I could personally thank each and every one of you – from the elderly who braved the use of an electronics payment system, to the man who very generously sent us oral lubricant – and it is my hope that, when this workload has blown over, I will be able to.

But alas, there is also a downside to this story. The final tally of our membership has been significantly reduced by a large number of erroneous applications; perhaps quite a few more than expected.

While some membership applications seemed perfectly legitimate at first, as was the case with one Mr. Cock Balls, they began to show signs of difficulty upon further inspection. Mr. Balls, for example, claimed that he was born next year, which leads us to only one conclusion: he is too young to be eligible to join our party.

It is with a heavy heart that we decided we could not accept these applications, nor could we accept any of the 62 separate applications from Mr. Donghau Liu, with whom we have no relationship that we presently remember*.

Our final tally of paid-up members comes to 445, just 55 short of the 500 we need to register with the Commission. This is where you come in.

You will have to forgive our lack of eloquence on this Thursday morning, in part because we have a cold, but also in part because this message is urgent enough that we need to get it out there as quickly as possible.

We need any of you – any of you – who support the causes this movement represents, and who have not yet joined the party, to sign up today at www.thecivilianparty.org.nz/join-us/.

If we cannot secure the remaining 55 members we need, the future of our political movement is in serious jeopardy, and not the kind where we get to go on TV and give Alex Trebek fun answers in the form of questions.

But this isn’t merely a one-sided deal. As a political party thoroughly committed to your interests and ideals, we want to make you the following promises if we are successfully registered with the Commission.

If it reaches 500 financial members, the Civilian Party will:

- Stand in national elections, and field multiple candidates.

- Run advertisements on television, radio and small, obnoxious portable billboards.

- Hold an annual AGM, the first of which will take place in August, where members can attend and have their say on party finances, the party platform and candidates.

- Attend any and all televised minor party debates, whether invited or not.

- Ice cream.

Nation, we have come so far, and gotten so close. All that we need now is one final push; just a few more. This is your chance to make a real difference; your choice to become a member will literally help decide the political landscape going into this year’s election.

If you’ve already joined, we love you, but we ask you just one more thing: find just one person you know, and sign them up today. If a mere eighth of you did this, we would already be there.

To those of you who’ve sent us messages and inquiries, and haven’t yet received a response, hang in there. We’re getting to you, and once this application is over and done with, we intend to respond to everyone we can; which should, theoretically, be everyone.

The moment that we can verify that we have the numbers, we will inform you all immediately that New Zealand is moving confidently towards a brighter future, like a moth to a flame. Thank you once again for bringing us this far

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Gordon Campbell:
On The Northland By-Election

Supposedly, Winston Peters’ victory in Northland has exposed the simmering dissatisfaction with the government that exists out in the provinces. Yet it remains to be seen whether this defeat will have much significance – and not simply because if and when Labour resumes business as usual in the Northland seat at the next election, Peters’ hold on it could simply evaporate.

On Saturday, National’s electorate vote declined by 7,000 votes, as the 9,000 majority it won last September turned into a 4,000 vote deficit – mainly because Labour supporters followed the nod and wink given by Labour leader Andrew Little, and voted tactically for Peters. In the process, Labour’s vote went down from nearly 9,000 votes six months ago, to only 1,315 on Saturday. More>>

 

PARLIAMENT TODAY:

Gordon Campbell: On A Funeral In Asia, The Northland By-Election, And News Priorities

Supposedly, New Zealand’s destiny lies in Asia, and that was one of Foreign Minister Murray McCully’s rationales for his bungled reforms at MFAT. OK. So, if that’s the case why didn’t Prime Minister John Key attend the state funeral on Sunday of Singapore’s founding leader Lee Kuan Yew? More>>

ALSO:

Werewolf Satire: Not Flag-Waving; Flag-Drowning

The panel choosing the flag options has no visual artists at all. Now, I’ve kerned the odd ligature in my time and I know my recto from my French curve so I thought I’d offer a few suggestions before they get past their depth. More>>

ALSO:

IPCA Reports: Significant Problems In Police Custody

In releasing two reports today, the Independent Police Conduct Authority has highlighted a number of significant problems with the way in which Police deal with people who are detained in Police cells. More>>

ALSO:

Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security: Inquiry Into GCSB Pacific Allegations

The complaints follow recent public allegations about GCSB activities. The complaints, and these public allegations, raise wider questions regarding the collection, retention and sharing of communications data. More>>

ALSO:

TPPA Investment Leak: "NZ Surrender To US" On Corporates Suing Governments

Professor Jane Kelsey: ‘As anticipated, the deal gives foreign investors from the TPPA countries special rights, and the power to sue the government in private offshore tribunals for massive damages if new laws, or even court decisions, significantly affected their bottom line’. More>>

ALSO:

Werewolf: The Myth Of Steven Joyce

Gordon Campbell: The myth of competence that’s been woven around Steven Joyce – the Key government’s “Minister of Everything” and “Mr Fixit” – has been disseminated from high-rises to hamlets, across the country... More>>

ALSO:

RMTU: No Public Submissions On International Government Procurement Deal

“The government is preparing to assent to the Government Procurement Agreement, a World Trade Organisation Treaty which opens up New Zealand Government contracts to foreign companies and closes the door on local businesses and their workers. However the Foreign Affairs, Defence and Trade Select Committee is refusing to take public submissions on the decision.” More>>

ALSO:

Gordon Campbell:
On Pacific Spying

So New Zealand spied on its friends and allies in the Pacific – and has not only been passing on the results to the NSA, but has apparently passed on the details of the Pacific’s relations with Taiwan to our other best friends, the Chinese. On the side, the Key government has also been using the security services to gauge the chances of Trade Minister Tim Groser landing the top job at the WTO... More>>

ALSO:

State Housing Transfer: Salvation Army Opts Out

The Salvation Army has decided against negotiating with Government for the transfer of Housing New Zealand stock.
More>>

ALSO:

Get More From Scoop

 

LATEST HEADLINES

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Politics
Search Scoop  
 
 
Powered by Vodafone
NZ independent news