Navy Open Day to Say “Sorry” for Contamination
Navy Open Day to Say “Sorry” for Contamination
Date: 23 March 2018
“The Navy
will be hosting a public Open Day at Devonport Naval Base
tomorrow to express their regret over the contamination of
the local community’s water supply and the destruction of
the surrounding marine ecosystem from toxic levels of
firefighting foam,” said Friends of the Navy spokesman
Cissy Whiteman.
“The Navy is opening the doors to
the public to claim compensation by way of Navy goods at the
Devonport Base. People are invited to bring their own tools
to dismantle Navy property and haul it away as a sort of
compensation for the contamination.”
“The Navy is
also offering a big free feast of food along with free
helicopter rides for kids and an opportunity to captain one
of the Navy’s two warships to any member of the public. We
think it only fair that if the Navy are going to destroy the
public water supply, then they need to
pay.”
“There will also be free public water
testing - so bring your sample if you are concerned about
your drinking water at home.”
“At the same time,
the NZDF has decided to cancel its $639 million contract
with Lockheed Martin to upgrade weapons on the two warships
and instead use that money to clean up the toxic sites
across the country that NZDF are responsible for - this
includes Devonport, Whenuapai, Ohakea, Woodburne and well,
anywhere else the stuff is discovered on Defence
property.”
“We think that most New Zealanders
would really rather have clean water and clean beaches than
have the Navy fighting more Middle East oil wars. It’s a
pretty simple choice.”
“We invite everyone around
the Auckland region to the Devonport Base tomorrow to enjoy
the day.”
*Scoop Editor's note: For clarification
this is a satirical piece and not representative of the
Navy's
views"
ends