The countdown to Christmas is a stressful time for just about everybody, but this has been a big year for some, particularly for those looking for work or under financial pressure. The prospect of spending the festive season alone can also be daunting, especially for older people who are on their own.

Families coming together to celebrate the holidays is usually something to look forward to, but for some, it can be a time of dread and foreboding due to conflict or the fear of family tensions boiling over. Family violence rates soar during the festive season. For instance, Lifeline’s sister service Shine is expecting a 30% surge in women seeking support due to family violence over the holidays.

Presbyterian Support Northern GM Social Services, Grenville Hendricks encourages people to think about ways to take the pressure off and remember the difference reaching out to someone on their own or you haven’t seen for a while can make to their day.

“If the pressure is starting to get to you, it is important to schedule some downtime to relax and recharge by doing something you enjoy like going for a bush or beach walk or catching up with a friend,” he says.

The friendly Lifeline Aotearoa team has put together a list of things you can do to turn down the pressure as the pace picks up before Christmas:

• Use a planner or calendar to help you stay organised and to reduce feeling overwhelmed.
• Think about a digital detox to diminish the noise, or significantly reduce the time you spend on social media.
• If the stress is getting to you, writing your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be therapeutic and provide a sense of release.
• Mindfulness techniques can also help keep you centred.
• Make a list of people you want to buy Christmas gifts for and set a budget that includes everything (gifts, decorations, and festivities) to avoid overspending.
• Consider having a Secret Santa with a spending limit for each gift where everyone buys one present for one person whose name is drawn out of a hat. Alternatively, go op-shopping or buy thoughtful second-hand gifts.
• Homemade gifts can help the budget and your sense of well-being, eg, herb, garlic or chilli salad oils, preserves, or gift offers of help for things like shopping or gardening.
• Set realistic relationship expectations. If you have family members you don’t get along with during the year, it’s unlikely these relationships will improve just because it’s the holiday season. Set healthy boundaries. Limit the amount of time you visit them. Remember that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to events or commitments that may cause stress or discomfort.
• Manage your expectations by shifting your focus to enjoying the moment rather than striving for perfection.

If loneliness is an issue:

• If you’re feeling lonely or isolated because you don’t have the relationships or family unit you’d hoped for, it’s important to acknowledge your emotions and know you’re not alone. Remember that family doesn’t have to be blood-related, it can be found in friends and communities.
• Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Understand that it’s ok to feel lonely and that self-care is essential.
• Create a list of enjoyable activities to do during the holiday season, like hiking, cooking, or art. Keeping busy with things you love can help you feel less lonely.
• Look for local clubs or social groups that align with your interests. Meeting people with similar hobbies or passions can combat loneliness.
• Attend holiday markets or charity Christmas events which can be great opportunities to meet others.
• If you feel comfortable, consider hosting a small get-together with friends or neighbours. Being the host can help you feel more in control and connected.

Remember that when the country stops for the holiday season, there’s a bunch of essential Lifeline counsellors who work 24/7 to support you, and Lifeline is just a phone call away.

Lifeline relies on public donations to keep going. To help ensure we are always there when you need us, please donate if you can by visiting www.lifeline.org.nz

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