Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search


Howard’s End: Santa Considering Moving To Godzone

John Howard’s occasional column is now available as a free My Scoop email service. .Click HERE - to subscribe.

See also the
JOHN HOWARD Column Archive...

In a shock announcement, a source close to Santa Claus has revealed because of global warming at his traditional North Pole home in the Arctic, Santa is considering an alternative magic kingdom in New Zealand. John Howard writes.

Sources at the North Pole, who spoke on condition of remaining anonymous, say that following his recent world tour, where he saw vast amounts of pollution, Santa now wants to establish a second magic headquarters possibly on the western side in the Southern Alps in New Zealand's South Island.

"Our Arctic home, more than anywhere else, is showing the strains of global warming and Santa Claus is now deeply concerned with the effects it is having on all the creatures who live in and around the North Pole," the source said

" For the first time in human history melting ice this year, made it impossible to walk across the Arctic and even a ship crossed over last summer."

"The thickness of Arctic ice has decreased by 40 percent in the last thirty years with 14 percent of its volume lost since 1979," he said.

"The polar bears and other creatures are showing signs of accumulating toxins in their bodies and the ice-melt is also threatening their feeding patterns.

Because of global warming, Santa Claus has been keeping an eye out for other suitable alternatives in which he might establish a second magic headquarters.

Lower numbers of people and less pollution in the southern hemisphere, meant the South Pole in the Antarctic was said to be his preferred option

"But that fared no better," the source said.

Holiday-makers in Rio de Janiero were surprised a couple of months ago when penguins from the South Pole appeared on the beaches after following cold currents carrying their food.

"It's really a crisis for Santa Claus and all of us who live at the North Pole. We just had to find another suitable alternative for Santa's magic kingdom," he said.

Like Santa Claus himself his reindeer, so beloved in the images of Christmas, need a quiet, unpolluted place to rest and feed during the rest of the year.

"Santa has looked around the world for unpolluted places for us to live. His eye now seems to be firmly on the Southern Alps in New Zealand which he thinks would be an ideal place to establish another magic headquarters while there is a global warming crisis," the source concluded.

© Scoop Media

Top Scoops Headlines


Julian Assange: A Thousand Days In Belmarsh
Julian Assange has now been in the maximum-security facilities of Belmarsh prison for over 1,000 days. On the occasion of his 1,000th day of imprisonment, campaigners, supporters and kindred spirits gathered to show their support, indignation and solidarity at this political detention most foul... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: The Mauling Of Novak Djokovic
Rarely can the treatment of a grand sporting figure by officialdom have caused such consternation. Novak Djokovic, the tennis World Number One, has always had a tendency to get under skin and constitution, creating a large following of admirers and detractors. But his current treatment by Australian authorities, and his subsequent detention as an unlawful arrival despite being granted a visa to participate in the Australian Open, had the hallmarks of oppression and incompetent vulgarity... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Voices Of Concern: Aussies For Assange’s Return

With Julian Assange now fighting the next stage of efforts to extradite him to the United States to face 18 charges, 17 of which are based on the brutal, archaic Espionage Act, some Australian politicians have found their voice. It might be said that a few have even found their conscience... More>>

Forbidden Parties: Boris Johnson’s Law On Illegal Covid Gatherings

It was meant to be time to reflect. The eager arms of a new pandemic were enfolding a society with asphyxiating, lethal effect. Public health authorities advocated various measures: social distancing, limited contact between family and friends, limited mobility. No grand booze-ups. No large parties. No bonking, except within dispensations of intimacy and various “bubble” arrangements. Certainly, no orgies... More>>

Dunne Speaks: Question Time Is Anything But
The focus placed on the first couple of Question Time exchanges between the new leader of the National Party and the Prime Minister will have seemed excessive to many but the most seasoned Parliamentary observers. Most people, especially those outside the Wellington beltway, imagine Question Time is exactly what it sounds... More>>

Gasbagging In Glasgow: COP26 And Phasing Down Coal

Words can provide sharp traps, fettering language and caging definitions. They can also speak to freedom of action and permissiveness. At COP26, that permissiveness was all the more present in the haggling ahead of what would become the Glasgow Climate Pact... More>>