Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search

 

Satire: Bush Makes Secret Trip To The Moon

Bush Makes Secret Trip To The Moon


Conspiracy theorists claim the president was on a sound stage in New Mexico.
Satire From… freepressed.com


CAPTION: Bush described his trip to the moon as 'friggin cool.

Washington, D.C.-- Just two weeks after the Bush Administration first announced its “bold, visionary and completely original” plan to send a manned spacecraft to the moon, Americans woke up last Saturday morning to find that President George W. Bush had made a secret two and a half hour trip to the lunar surface.

“This is George W. Bush, ‘Merica,” the 43rd President said as he perched on the stairwell that led to the frigid lunar landscape. “I’m on the moon. This is friggin’ cool.”

Bush stopped on the last step before he touched the surface and with tears visible behind his helmet’s visor said “I’m takin’ one small step to prove that our space program can kick anybody else’s ass.”

For the rest of his duration on the moon, President Bush romped on the surface, hitting a golf ball “because its cool to watch it float”, making “moon angels” by falling backwards on the satellite’s surface and jumping the moon rover over craters.

With the president were two astronauts, a Halliburton Representative who tapped portions of the surface near the spacecraft to see if any oil could be found and thirteen members of the press, including Leslie Mulgroves from Fox News and friends.

“The President’s creative insight is staggering. What other leader in our nation’s history could have ever conceived of such an idea? I think this proves the old saw that “Closer to God goes George W. Bush.”

Indeed, a collective “Ahhhh” went up across the country, when the president looked out at the glowing emerald planet below him and said “I see you ‘Merica and you’re beautiful.”


CAPTION: Bush said it would be cool if he could spit on the Earth from here.

It was shortly after his trip to Iraq on Thanksgiving Day that the President announced his plan to send a manned mission to the moon.

"I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth," Bush said.

A hesitant hand went up in the back of the White House pressroom.

“Excuse me Mr. President but didn’t John F. Kennedy say that,” Perry Stenger, Bloomberg News asked.

“I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel here people,” Bush replied.

When asked how much it would cost and why the President wanted to revive the moon program after 22 visits during the 1970’s, Bush answered “A lot and because it’s awesome.”

He also wanted to build a moon base.

“You know, something with a dome, green alien chicks and a secret passage way,” he said.
After two and a half hours on the moon, the spacecraft loaded back up and headed home with a quick fly by the International Space Station so that Bush could show his ass to the Russians currently living on the base.

CAPTION: The American public is beginning to wonder if Bush really went to Iraq for Thanksgiving.

Critics of the President accused the moon landing of being a PR stunt.

“His approval rating is going into the shitter what do you expect,” said James Zogby of the Zogby Poll.

Conspiracy theorists such as Terry Van Allen and Barla Collins who run the popular www.unfound.org website accused the President of faking the moon landing.

“Look at the pictures of him on the moon. First, the wind is blowing the flag in the background. There’s no wind on the moon. Second, where are all of the stars? Third, if you look into the reflection on his helmet, you can see sound and stage people in the background,” Van Allen said.

“How many times are people going to have to watch Capricorn One before they admit that the whole damn thing was staged. The president was on a stage that is hidden in Area 51 in the New Mexico desert,” said Barla Collins.

Conspiracy theorists claim that this isn’t the first time that President Bush has staged or made up events such as the fake turkey that he held during his trip to Iraq, landing on the airplane carrier last May and the premise for the Iraq war.

Contact freepressed@brentflynn.com to receive the weekly email edition of FreePressed.

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Top Scoops Headlines

 

Reese Erlich: Foreign Correspondent: Trump Plays Both Sides Against The Middle

Is he a hawk? Is he a peacenik? The President keeps us guessing . By Reese Erlich President Donald Trump has convinced Republican isolationists and hawks that he supports their views. That’s a neat trick, since the two groups hold opposing positions. ... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Waiting For The Old Bailey: Julian Assange And Britain’s Judicial Establishment

On September 7, Julian Assange will be facing another round of gruelling extradition proceedings, in the Old Bailey, part of a process that has become a form of gradual state-sanctioned torture. The US Department of Justice hungers for their man. The More>>



Gordon Campbell: On The Sorry Plight Of The International Education Sector

Tourism and international education have been two of the sectors hardest hit by the pandemic. They’re both key export industries. Yet the government response to them has been strikingly different. There has been nothing beyond a few words of ministerial condolence and a $51.6 million package (details below) to get the sector through the pandemic...
More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Google’s Open Letter: Fighting Australia’s News Media Bargaining Code

Tech giants tend to cast thin veils over threats regarding government regulations. They are also particularly concerned by those more public spirited ones, the sort supposedly made for the broader interest. Google has given us an example of this ... More>>


Gordon Campbell: On Trump’s Current Chances Of Re-Election

By now it seems clear that National have no fresh ideas to offer for how New Zealand could avoid the Covid-19 economic crisis. As in the past, National has set an arbitrary 30% ratio of government debt to GDP that it aims to achieve “in a decade or so,” ... More>>

The Conversation: Rogue Poll Or Not, All The Signs Point To A Tectonic Shift In New Zealand Politics

Richard Shaw AAP(various)/NZ Greens (CC-BY-SA)/The Conversation Strong team. More jobs. Better economy. So say the National Party’s campaign hoardings. Only thing is, last Sunday’s Newshub-Reid Research poll – which had support for the Labour ... More>>

The Coronavirus Republic: Three Million Infections And Rising

The United States is famed for doing things, not to scale, but off it. Size is the be-all and end-all, and the coronavirus is now doing its bit to assure that the country remains unrivalled in the charts of infection . In time, other unfortunates may well ... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Altars Of Hypocrisy: George Floyd, Protest And Black Face

Be wary what you protest about. The modern moral constabulary are out, and they are assisted by their Silicon Valley friends in the Social Media club. Should you dare take a stand on anything, especially in a dramatic way, you will be found out ... More>>