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Mary Pitt: Cousin Bubba Visits The Canucks

Cousin Bubba Visits The Canucks

by Mary Pitt

Hot on the heels of his triumphal tour of South America, where he managed to offend people everywhere he went, Cousin Bubba decided to drop in on his more sedate relatives in Canada. Now, it seems that Bubba is somewhat lacking in his education, considering that Papa was a diplomat by profession. In Chile, he pulled one of his Secret Service men from the clutches of the Chilean security forces and took him into an area that the Chileans had secured for the safety of all the dignitaries. Having succeeded, he swaggered off as if he had won a scuffle in a local bar. Later, he refused to attend a State dinner without his own security forces, causing the plans of the host government to be changed at the last minute.

There was no warm welcome in any of the South American branches of the hemispheric family, and he determined to "mend fences" with our "Canadian cousins". First, he had to be sure that any demonstrators who desired to oppose him were kept well away from him, (a safety measure that he takes even in his home territory). Later he expressed his thanks to those who waved at him "with all five fingers". Yuk! Yuk! When asked for his reaction to the opposition in Canada to his actions in Iraq, his response was that the American people had given their approval, indicating that he did not care a damn what the Canadians thought. "We just had a poll in our country where people decided that the foreign policy of the Bush administration ought to stay in place for four more years, and it's a foreign policy that works with our neighbors," he said.

Of course, as unpopular cousins often do, he went there with a wish list. He wants help to prevail in his self-determined Iraq project, but he refuses to offer anything in exchange. The Canadians would very much like a final resolution to the Mad Cow Disease controversy so that their stockmen can resume open trade with the United States, but he "stood firm" in his refusal. They requested the end of protectionism regarding softwoods and other items of export to the United States but Cousin Bubba doesn't seem to be concerned with their problems. Bubba came with his own agenda, "repairing good relations" and "mending fences", and is interested in nothing else. Of course, he evoked the ghosts of the World Trade Center in order to stir the symapthies of of "cousins" in order to spur their compliance with his requests.

You see, as with all his previous ambitious schemes, he has over-spent the resources available to him and needs "just a bit" more capital in order to accomplish his grandiose goal and is once again attempting to prevail upon friends and family to bail him out. In earlier days, he needed only money to be set up in a cushy job, but now he has proven the Peter Principle and has risen to the level of his incompetence. Perhaps we, as a nation, should "mend our own fences" and keep Cousin Bubba securely behind them.


Mary Pitt is a septuagenarian Kansan who is self-employed and active in the political arena. Her concerns are her four-generation family and the continuance of the United States as a democracy with a government "of the people, by the people, and for the people". Comments and criticism may be addressed to .

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