Remi Kanazi: Tom DeLayed?
By Remi Kanazi
I woke up this morning, looked outside and smiled, thinking this was going to be a great birthday. As soon as I turned on the television, I received my first present. House Majority Leader Tom Delay was indicted on one count of criminal conspiracy by a Texas grand jury in relation to a campaign finance scheme with two political associates. CNN stated, “In accordance to the rules of the House,” Delay has stepped aside as House Majority leader while an investigation into his actions is conducted. Delay stepping aside is welcome; I’m just surprised that “The Hammer” wasn’t hiding out somewhere hoping for divine intervention. I guess God or even Delay’s cronies couldn’t change the rules for him this time around.
While this “skunk stinks to high heaven,” as so eloquently stated by Delay’s attorney Bill White, this can only be viewed as karma. Tom Delay is also known for his compassion and timing. When Delay was visiting a shelter in Reliant Park after Hurricane Katrina he jokingly remarked to some of the young boys sitting on a cot, “Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?” He followed up with, “You are becoming famous all over this country and even the world.” Yeah Tom. It’s like Marti Gras all over again.
I’m not sure what “The Hammer” is going to do now that he is absolved of real responsibility in the House. He must be feeling quite impotent since his heyday when he proclaimed, “A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability.” Delay will be riding a political roller coaster—indefinitely. Hopefully his wife won’t be joining him, because it can’t be healthy if she’s barefoot, pregnant, and breast feeding. Besides, who’s going to scrub the toilet when he’s out defending his great name?
Delay needs to relax and take in a deep breath of Washington’s fresh air. He is a firm believer, no pun intended, that "It has never been proven that air toxics are hazardous to people," but maybe he’d be better off holding his breathe for a while considering he thinks his right wing Christian convictions and shady dealings are good for the nation.
The White House has come out and stated that Delay is “a good ally” but that “the president's view is that we need to let the legal process work.” As if the President has ever valued the rule of law! Yet there is a glimmer of hope since President Bush floundered on Katrina, “the first female suicide bomber struck in Iraq,” and gas prices are over 3 dollars a gallon. The President may not be able to handle the political firestorm and consequently withdraw support for Delay. We’ll see in the coming months if Delay fades off into the sunset like former strongman Newt Gingrich, or if he can ride out this hurricane.
Today is a great birthday indeed. It finally looks like I’ll be able to have my cake and eat it too.